Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 88- The Escape

CHAPTER 88

THE ESCAPE

Monami eyed her best friend quietly. He was uncharacteristically silent for the past few days, and she knew the reason why. Param. They talked. Somehow, that had made things a little more confusing for him. "Mujhe ghoorna band kar", Sid said, looking up at her. "Main Karan Sir nahi hoon."

Her eyes narrowed and she shoved him away. "Shut up", she said, her cheeks heating up. He chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately. "Tu theek hai?"

He sighed, nodding. He tilted his head. "Just thinking. Monu... do you hate Param Bhaiya?"

She didn't miss how for the past few days his spiteful use of 'Sir' has changed back to 'Bhaiya.' "Nahi", she said easily. "I don't think I have ever hated him, Sid."

"Kyun? He left us. He abandoned us."

She nodded, looking down and inspecting her nails. The tips were chipped, uneven. There was a time when she would have hated how unkept her hands were. Perhaps she should go for a manicure. Maybe the girls would like the idea too. "I was... angry at him", she found herself speaking. She looked up at him. "But... honestly, Sid, mujhe bahut saalon tak lagta tha ki Bhaiya isliye gaye because... because I was too weak. He was disgusted by me. Par... jab main yahan aayi and I talked to him... I found ki he didn't consider me weak. And... I am not sure why he left. But... it wasn't because of me. I think... jaise hum Bhaiya ko uss time par dekhte the- this... fearless solider jo har cheez se deal kar sakte the- that's... not how he was, and not how he... saw himself."

"He left because..." He paused for a moment. "Unko lagta tha you were scared of him." Her eyes widened. "And... he hated himself for it. That's what he said. He... He couldn't take it. Woh apne aap ko maaf nahi kar paa rahe the uske liye. He thought yeh hum dono ke liye best hai- tere liye best hai."

He thought she was scared of him? She leaned back on her bed, fidgeting with her hands that laid on her lap. Was he... wrong? Not really. She was scared of him. But that wasn't anything weird. She was scared of everyone- Sid, her Dad, him. No one was an exception. And now? She was scared of him because he left. Because now, she thought of him and thought of him leaving, turning his back on her. Abandonment. Association, Vamika had called it.

Wasn't that bias almost exactly like the one her father had against the army? The thought hit her suddenly, and she paused. She knew her fear of him was irrational yet she wasn't strong enough to get past it. She associated Param with leaving, perhaps much like her Dad had started associating the army with death. Death with the prettily decorated coffin of patriotism and martyrdom.

"You are right", Sid said and she glanced up. "Param Bhaiya... he wasn't the person we thought he was. He was different."

And that is not his fault.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Monami sighed in happiness, watching them massage her hands gently. It has been quite some time since she got a manicure. Months! Beside her, the other girls all had similar relaxed postures, small, content smiles on their face. They just had the massage of their lifetime, working through the knots the training had given them. It was a great Sunday.

"Mo", Chitra said and she looked up. It was almost a semi circle they were sitting in, which was great since they could all talk comfortably with each other. "Tum kal #dinner ke baad kahan chali gayi thi?"

She paused. She was treating the terrorist. It was a secret. No one knew. Not even Sid. Only the trainers and her. And it was supposed to be kept that way. She shrugged. "Just... w-walking."