Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 71- The Veil Lifts

CHAPTER 71

THE VEIL LIFTS

Monami sat down on the couch, fiddling with her hands in her lap. She looked up at the psychiatrist when she sat down, hesitantly giving her a small smile when she offered a smile.

"Monami", Vamika started, leaning forward. "Main picture pehle hi clear kar deti hoon tumhaare liye so you don't have any shocks baad mein. You have about 9 to 10 months to learn to manage your triggers. Agar tum kar paati ho, you will be allowed to continue training. Generally, hum log- as mental health professionals- healing par koi time limit set nahi karna chahta hain because it stresses the patient out but..." Monami nodded. She was lucky to even have this much. "So, there might be times jab tumhe apne aap ko push karna padhe but jo tum nahi kar sakti, ya zyaada hi stressful hai, bolo. Agar nahi bataogi, toh it'll only hurt, not heal. Do you get me?"

"Y-Yes." Her voice came out slightly scratchy and she cleared her throat, glancing around.

"Yeh lo." Vamika kept a glass in front of water. She sipped the water gratefully. "Koi evaluation nahi hai ab. Jo bhi tum mujhe ab bataogi, I would not tell anyone unless mujhe lagta hai tum apne aap ke liye ya auron ke liye threat ho. Tumhe jis baare mein baat karni hai, even if it's not relevant to your trauma, then tum kar sakti ho. Personal relationships, professional relationships. Trainers par khundak nikaalni hai", she threw in. Monami smiled, chuckling slightly. "Jo baat karne ka mann hai, tum kar sakti ho. Kabhi bhi aa sakti ho even agar therapy scheduled nahi hai."

She nodded. "Thank you."

"Do you want to start ya thoda time chahiye?"

"We can... We can st-start."

Vamika smiled, picking up the notebook. "Is there anything you want to talk about, in particular?" She shook her head. "Let's start simple. Can you tell me ki... tumne aaj kya kara?"

Monami bit her lip. "Abhi S-Sir ka f-funeral tha aa-aaj. W-Wahan gayi. With... With K-Karan Sir and F-Faizi S-Sir. Phir... n-nahaayi, thodi d-der baaki c-cadets ke s-saath rahi and then ab... yahan."

"How did going to the funeral make you feel?"

'Aaj baby girl aapki Mumma ka antimsanskaar hai.'

Her nail dug into the side of the thumb of her other hand, and she looked up, studying the psychiatrist. Honesty. Therapy should have honesty. "It m-made me th-think of M-Mumma", she admitted softly. Vamika sat patiently, staring at her. "Main... Main un-unke f-funeral par nahi jaa p-paayi thi b-because... I was in c-captivity. Do... Do you kn-know e-everything?"

"All the official facts, yes. Mission Pari ke baare mein and tumhaare baare mein jitni bhi details official files mein hai, I know those." She nodded."Does that bother you?"

"No. It's... It's g-good. Mere p-pichhle therapists... I had to ex-explain certain th-things."

"Did that bother you?"

"It m-made me sp-speak of c-certain things that I w-wasn't r-ready to sp-speak."

Vamika leaned forward. "Monami", she said softly. "Yahan par, you don't have to speak anything that you aren't ready to speak. There is a difference between not wanting to talk about someone and not being ready for it. Do you understand that difference?"

"Yes. It's the d-difference b-between pushing y-yourself and h-hurting yourself."

The older woman smiled. "You are a smart girl, Monami. You'll be a good commando."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Monami looked at the city quietly. The world seemed quiet. Still. There was a strange lingering silence in the academy that leaked through the laughter of the agents, the noise of the mesh of talking voices and screamed in the quiet hallways of the academy. She looked across to the other pillar of the parapet, just a few feet away.