Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 98- Nightmares

CHAPTER 98

NIGHTMARES

Karan was miffed. He wouldn't admit it, even under torture, but he was kinda hoping now that the cadets' lights out had been wavered, he would get to see Monami for a little bit longer. Maybe even study with him? But she chose to sit with the cadets, downing mugs and mugs of coffee and that was... fine, but then, he hoped she'd drop by at times, just like Koel and Sid did to their partners when they were on a break from the constant studying, but nope, he got no visit from his girlfriend. None. That was... rude. What was more rude, though, was that she was even busier, even during the day, and met him even less, telling him she needed to study. Sure, studying was good. But... what about him? God, why did she have to be such a topper?

Nonetheless, neither missed their nightly ritual of coffee, and no matter how much studying she needed to get done, she was always there in the kitchen, sipping the coffee next to him and telling her enthusiastically about her day and all his sulkiness at not being able to see her vanished.

Today, though, she was quiet. She had answered in a single word how her day was- 'okay'- and how her studies were- also, 'okay'- and was there anything noteworthy today- 'no'- and that was a change of pace. He had seen it enough times though. A bad dream. She was quiet next to him, nodding to whatever he said and she was listening but she also wasn't really, paying attention, not really hanging on to the words he was saying like she usually did. He reached out, gently brushing his fingers against her arm, just like he had teased her with during their date. She looked up, feebly smiling, recognizing the effort for what it was but leaned away. Okay, no touching, then.

He gave in to the silence after that. It was never boring with her there, not even the silences. He had plenty of things to do. For one, he liked to simply look at her. He could look at her for hours. She was expressive. Her expressions changed with what she was thinking and he couldn't tell what it was, but sometimes, her lip was caught between her teeth and he would watch the soft skin be worried over- half hoping he could lean down and kiss them- and sometimes, her fingernail would end up in her mouth and she didn't chew them, just kinda bit down on it lightly and sometimes, her eyes would dart back and forth, like she was reading or watching a scene, sometimes even pausing at a particular point to stare. Sometimes, the latter one got creepy but that was okay. He could deal with creepy.

"I had a b-bad dr-dream", she said eventually.

"I figured", he said, keeping his empty cup aside. She still had some coffee in hers and was mostly using the cup as a hand-warmer now, clutching it with both hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She didn't say anything for a minute or so. That intrigued him and he frowned, staring at her. She was very quiet and that meant a really bad dream and that meant she didn't even want to think about it, let alone talk. It was usually an instant no. "Will..." She paused. "Will you b-be m-mad? If I s-say... no?"

His eyebrows furrowed. What? "Aaj tak kab hua hoon?" He asked. "Main kyun gussa honga?"

She bit her lip, worrying it. He was pretty sure she did that when she was debating something internally. "Pehle was d-different. Now... you are m-my boyfriend." He raised an eyebrow. So? She looked up. "Aa-Aapka haq hai m-mujhpar ab. You sh-should know c-certain things."

He tilted his head. "Mera haq hai tumpar. Par sirf utna jitna tum mujhe deti ho." She stared at him with shiny eyes and he suddenly realized it had worried her. Genuinely, worried her. Why had she never talked about this? His eyebrows furrowed and he gently touched her arm, rubbing it in comfort. "Monami... you never, ever have to tell me anything you don't want to. Whatever you see in your nightmares, jo kuchh bhi unn 43 days mein hua, your thoughts, your fears, main hamesha hoon sunne ke liye, but that doesn't mean you have to tell me." She sniffled, a tear escaping her- of relief, he was pretty sure- but there was still some lingering suspicion. "You know, Monami, there are things, feelings jo tumhe nahi pata mere baare mein. Lots of them. And unmein se aadhi bhi confidential nahi hai. Does that make you mad?"