Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 58- Confessions

CHAPTER 58

CONFESSIONS

Faizi stared at her. Koel was sitting on her bed, and the silence that hung between them wasn't quite so comfortable. "Mujhe lag raha hai hum fight kar rahe hain but I don't even know ki hum fight kyun kar rahe hain", she began.

"Hum lad nahi rahe hain", he said.

"Toh tum mujhse baat kyun nahi kar rahe ho dhang se? Maine kuchh kara hai? Kuchh galti-"

"Hum do din pehle ek fight mein the. Humpar goliyan chali thi", he cut her off. She paused, staring at him with wide eyes. She opened her mouth. "Hum theek hain", he assured her. He walked closer to her, kneeling down in front of her. "Hume ek baat ehsaas hui." He gently grabbed her hand. "Woh... Woh baat hume tang kar rahi hai."

"Kya ehsaas hua aisa tumhe?"

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Hume yeh ehsaas hua ki apni jaan se bhi zyaada hume iski chinta thi ki tumhe chinta hogi ki humpar goliyan chali. Hume yeh ehsaas hua ki tumhe sirf pasand nahi karte hum. Hume yeh ehsaas hua ki hum... hum tumse mohabbat karte hain. Hum tumse pyaar karte hain."

It was almost a relief, saying it. More than a confession, it was his confirmation. He was in love. And there were no footsteps for him to retreat back.

He opened his eyes. She was staring at him, not a hint of surprise on her face. She held up a finger. "Ek second", she muttered. "Tumhe yeh realize hua ki tum mujhse pyaar karte ho aur isliye tum mujhe avoid kar rahe ho? Yeh A to B kaise pahunche tum?"

He stood up, taking a couple of steps away from her. "Hume... Hume nahi pata yeh rishta kahan jaa raha hai aur... aur hum ise nibha paayenge ya nahi."

Her eyebrows furrowed immediately. She stood up, holding a hand out. "Faizi... are you breaking up with me?"

"Nahi!" He shook his head. "Nahi, bilkul nahi." He took a step forward, gently rubbing her arms. He sighed. "Tumhe pata hai humaari Ammi ke saath kya hua tha. Aaj tak, Karan ke alaawa koi humaare nazdeek nahi aaya, kisi se itna farak nahi padha hai hume. Jab tak tum nahi aayi thi. Par ab tumse hume farak padta hai. Bahut zyaada farak padta hai. Tumhaare hone, naa hone se farak padta hai. Aur... Aur hume isse darr lagta hai." His hands trailed up to her face, and he gently stroked her cheeks. "Hume nahi pata hum kya karein. Hume nahi samajh aa raha."

"Karna kya hai?" She asked softly. "We... We work well together, na?"

"Hume pyaar par bharosa nahi hai, Koel. Hum kisi ko apne itne kareeb nahi aane dete, uski wajah hai. Hume nahi pata tum kaise aa gayi itna kareeb par... par hume yeh bharosa nahi hai ki tum jaogi nahi." He took a step back, his hands falling away from her.

She stared at him. "Tum mujhpar bharosa nahi karte? Kisi rishte mein bharosa hi naa ho, toh woh rishta kaisa?"

"Hume bas... bas yeh darr lagta hai ki tum kisi din hume chhodkar chali jaogi. Aur phir hume lagta hai ki isse achha toh rishta hi naa ho. Dard toh kam hoga."

"And tumhe lagta hai mujhe nahi lagta darr?" She asked. "Agar tumne kisi ka dhokha dekha hai, toh maine bhi kisi ko khokar dekha hai."

"Humaari situations alag hain."

"Jitna alag tum samajh rahe ho, utni alag nahi hain. Kya tum mujhe guarantee de sakte ho ki tum jab bhi mission par jaoge, hamesha waapas aaoge? Mujhe bhi darr lagta hai. I am scared too. Karan Sir ko death threats diye, unke informer ka murder kar diya, tum par goliyan chali, tum log pata nahi kaunse missions par jaate rehte ho, mujhe bhi darr lagta hai ki tum jaaoge aur waapas nahi aaoge. Par hum darkar rishte nibhaane thodi naa band kar dete hain. Aur rishta todhne se pyaar khatam nahi hota hai."