Four | BTS ✓

24

Jungkook lays on his couch, staring at his ceiling in hopes that it will swallow him whole and get him away from his own cluttered thoughts.

A soft knock on the door of his room causes a sigh to escape from between his lips, and part of him hopes that whoever is knocking gives up quickly so he can be left alone once again.

"Jungkook," Jin's voice permeates through the door. "You've been locked in your room for three days. You can't shut yourself away when there is a job to be done."

Jungkook doesn't respond, instead laying his arm over his eyes, hoping to shut the entire world out for just a moment so he can rest without his mind wreaking havoc.

He hears his door open, and groans to himself when he realizes that he either forgot to lock the door or Jin has a key to his room.

After some shuffling, Jungkook feels Jin's presence beside him, and he reluctantly moves his arm away to see Jin sitting on the edge of his coffee table, staring down at him with a sincere gaze.

"Talk to me," Jin says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Do you blame yourself for what happened?"

Jungkook sighs. "Part of me knows what Kennedy is like and that she's known for shit like this. I just can't help but feel partially responsible for not being able to get Kennedy to change and be better."

Jin sighs. "Kennedy has been this way long before you showed up, and she'll be this way long after you inevitably leave. If anything, I should have been more careful and planned ahead. I should have put her in isolation as soon as I heard Yoongi's parents would be coming. I should have known she would do something. She always does."

Jungkook rubs his face with his hands before sitting up and staring warily at Jin. "How do you do this? How do you get up every day and do your job without any emotions involved?"

Jin laughs, though there isn't an ounce of humor in his eyes. "That's the dream, right? To be able to rule this place with an iron fist and not feel a single thing towards the people you work with."

"I don't know how to keep my emotions at a safe distance in this place anymore," Jungkook says, leaning back against his couch. "I felt so angry at Kennedy and at myself. I felt scared to death for Hoseok and all I wanted to do was break down in front of everyone."

Jin sends Jungkook a reassuring smile. "We all feel that way. Do you think I was calm and collected when Hobi was bleeding out on the floor? I nearly ripped Yoongi's parents' heads from their bodies because on top of blaming myself, I blamed them for not listening to my requests to keep Kennedy behind a door that she can't get open."

Jungkook runs his hands through his hair as he listens, trying to keep a level head.

"Hoseok has a strong emotional attachment to the Min siblings," Jin continues. "He's incredibly protective of both Yoongi and Hana and I've never seen anger like Hoseok hearing about their parents and how they treated them growing up. He lost his brother years ago and ever since, he's grown fiercely protective over everyone he cares about."

Jungkook looks down at his hands in his lap, the tattoo of his parents' names peeking through his sleeve on his wrist.

"I know how it feels to lose people you care about," Jungkook says. "I don't like the feeling I have all the time that I could lose anyone here that I've grown to care about, Jin. It's scary."

"Of course it's scary," Jin says, shrugging. "I have no advice on how to push those feelings away. I feel that way all the time; I'm just good at hiding it."

Jin reaches out a hand and places it on Jungkook's shoulder.

"All of us feel the same exact way you feel. This job is stressful, demanding and damn near impossible to stomach sometimes but those four behind those doors need us to protect them from each other and protect the world from them. This job is for us and if we don't do it... who will?"

Jungkook nods in agreement, sending Jin a reassuring smile. "You're right."

"I know," Jin says, squaring his shoulders as he stands. "Now go take a shower. You stink."

Jungkook laughs, standing up as well as Jin moves to the door. "Oh, and Hoseok is back. He's on bedrest in his room. Maybe you should go see him before you go to work."

Jungkook's heart instantly feels a bit lighter as relief washes over him. "He's okay?"

"Lacerated spleen can't stop him," Jin says, smiling at Jungkook one last time before leaving Jungkook's room and closing the door behind him.

Jungkook sighs heavily as he falls back into the couch. Even though Jin said he didn't have any advice to help him, Jungkook feels better after talking to Jin. He knows that he needs to find balance between his profession and his emotions. He needs to learn when to push aside his own personal feelings and he also needs to remember that it's okay to care about the people here.

Jungkook's mind fills with a soft, feminine face framed by chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes that seem to stare right into his soul, not caring what darkness she may find hidden inside him.

He shakes his head, clearing his mind of Kennedy; he doesn't have the energy to even begin to tackle his potential feelings for the girl.

He stands from the couch, stretching his tired muscles before heading to the bathroom to wash away his stress.

The hot stream of water is welcoming on Jungkook's skin, his body glued to the warmth it is providing him. He shivers as he remembers the feeling of Kennedy's hands creeping up the sides of his neck, his skin igniting even hotter as the memory rips through his conscious mind.

At the very center of his feelings, he is confused. He doesn't know why he feels such a strong connection to someone who has been deemed a danger to the world. He can't understand why the feeling of her fingertips on his skin is something that has haunted his every waking moment.

His mind wanders to when she admired his sleeve of tattoos on his right arm. His gaze trails down the art etched into his skin, and he remembers the pureness in her eyes and the unfiltered carefree laugh that tumbled between the lips that he nearly kissed when he last saw her.

Then he remembers the things she has done - not only the things she did that caused her to end up here, but also the chaos she has created since she arrived. Jin is right in the fact that she has always been this way, and she will most likely always be this way.

Jungkook can't help but hold onto that shred of hope that the girl he witnessed when she admired his tattoos is still in there, just held captive by the darkness she stopped fighting against a long time ago.

He saw that vulnerable girl again in the isolation cell, when they were holding onto each other and their lips were nearly drawn to one another.

Jungkook groans, turning so his face is underneath the stream of water. He knows it's wrong to have feelings for her. He knows he needs to keep himself away from her, but one look at those hazel eyes of hers will inevitably cause his resolve to crumble.

He is still angry at her for what she caused.

But he's more angry at himself that he expected - or maybe hoped - that she was slowly changing. He knows now that what he hopes is just an out-of-reach fantasy, but he can't help but to hold onto that hope for dear life every time he sees that twinkle in her eyes.