Midnight's Frustration.

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January 2001, 12am

Mia's nursery was an adequately sized room with lilac walls and beautiful cream coving sitting just below the ceiling, stretching out into beams that crossed the room and shone contently in the moonlight.

A chandelier hung from the middle of the beam that crossed the centre of the nursery, and the crystals that dangled down from it produced tiny rainbows on the walls, come dayshine and glowing opals of moonlight, come nighttime.

The room was cosy, with a bay window that overlooked the acres of fields that Kate and Leo owned and the beautiful rolling hills of the quaint English countryside. There was a rocking chair for relaxing, especially on nights like tonight...

Granite clouds had given way, that afternoon, to a confetti of white. At first, it gently flurried down and only some of it actually settled. But night time had bought the harsh sort of wind that rattled the windows and hail that pummelled the concrete like tiny bombs of ice.

In the array of frozen blooms, where the air kisses the lungs so coldly, the blizzard tipped the balance of emotion from calmness to annoyance.

"Mia, please! I won't let the storm hurt you." Kate rocked the three month old in her arms, pacing the room in frustration.

"Oh darling, mama's here. I know you're scared but please go to sleep. It won't hurt you."

A fatigued look took over her face as she slumped into her rocking chair, defeated.

Mia continued to cry and the wind howled outside, which bothered Kate more than anything had ever done before.

She couldn't do anything to stop her daughter from crying, she couldn't stop the storm for her.

She felt helpless.

The frustration ascended and Kate thought she might explode. She took a deep breath, wanting so desperately to shout, have a tantrum and beat her hands on the ground like a toddler. She wanted to vent, let it out, but it was too late. She was too tired. Leo was asleep in their bed. It would only make Mia cry more and more until her throat was raw and dry and needed milk to soothe it.

So instead she bent her head down and succumbed to her despair, allowing tears to drip down her face. She shakily held her thumb out to Mia and allowed her to suck on it.

Anything to bring comfort to her daughter, Kate would do.

"Cara Mia, are you keeping mommy awake again?" Leo's sleepy voice interjected the nascent silence.

"Leo, oh honey, I'm sorry if we woke you." Kate sleepily looked up at him, tears gathered in her barely open eyes.

"Sweetie, it doesn't matter. What matters is if you're okay."

"Not really."

"What's wrong?" He knelt in front of her and stroked her hand with his thumb.

"I can't do this anymore, Leo." She chewed her lip and looked down at Mia, who was slowly drifting off to sleep. "It's too draining. I don't feel human anymore."

"Katie, what is this about?"

Taking a deep breath, Kate slumped her shoulders and leant her head into the chair.

"I don't want to raise her anymore. It isn't that I don't love her because of course I do. Leo, I love her more than anything in this world, anything I've ever loved before. Apart from you, of course, because you're my cheesy git and I couldn't live without you. But I-"

"Kate, you're spiraling-"

"I just don't think I was cut out to be a mother. I can't protect her as well as I want to. I can't get her to sleep at night. I can't feed her properly. I cannot do ANYTHING right for her, and I want more than anything for her to have a good life, a normal life, without being dragged around by her rich celebrity parents and having horrible cameras flashed in her face. I want her to be cared for and live far away from the limelight. And I'm not the right person for that job because I don't think I could go back to not acting, I've always done it and I love it. Oh, Leo. I don't know what to do anymore!"

Choked sobs escaped her lips and she slowly stood up to place Mia in her cot, swaying as she walked.

She had to steady herself on the edge of the cot before turning to face Leo.

"I'm sorry, Leo. For dumping this all on you. I'm sorry for spiralling, I know I was spiralling. But I can't help it. I feel lost."

"Come with me, Kate."

He led her to their room, his arm around her waist in fear that she'd faint or collapse.

"Listen." He stated, sitting them onto the bed. "You are not to be sorry about anything you said there. Clearly you have a lot on your mind that needed to be said. Your feelings are valid and I know how frustrating this all can be but trust me on this one."

He shuffled into her and moved a quilt over her lap, keeping her warm against the ever present wind.

"You are the most amazing, beautiful and wonderful person I've ever met." Leo softened his eyes and flashed a small toothy grin.

"Your parenting skills are phenomenal. Out of this world. They're other worldly. I've never met anyone as natural as you are with children. You always know the right thing to do. Mia is in good hands with us, sweetheart. We can always take a break from acting for a while to get settled so she's not in the limelight. I'll speak to our publicists tomorrow, see what we can do."

"You think so?"

"I know so." He cupped her face and wiped her tears dry, watching as her face fell from its taut expression.

Relief blew across her face like a gust of wind.

"Oh god, I was awful tonight Leo. I've been so horrible to you."

"No." He whispered, smoothing her hair. "You've let me help you. You've communicated how you feel and I've helped you to understand that it's okay to feel that way. If being horrible means communicating as a husband and wife should do, then we're despicable, Katie."

She laughed and a small smile shone on her face.

"Thank you, Leo. For everything."

"I just hope I've put some of your fears at rest. You're doing spectacularly, sweetheart. Spectacularly. I hope you know that."

"I know."








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