In Sickness And Health ~Shikamaru~

Chapter 47

My eyes were wide as I looked down on my girlfriend. Why... why would she ask that?! What does she really mean. I pushed her shoulders back and looked in her eyes. They were wide and misty, like she could start crying at any moment. Has she really been asking hereof this question for three months? I knew she wanted to ask something... but I left her alone... thinking she would ask me on her own... now I know why she didn't want to ask.

"Why... why would I leave?" I asked, honestly confused by what was going through her head.

Reira bit her lip and lowered her head. "Because..."

"Reira, I once swore to you that no matter what might happen to you, I would stay by you. Why would you wonder why I had stayed?"

Finally, large tears bubbled from the corners of her eyes. "Because I remember everything from when I was... degrading!" She what? "I remember... you being there everyday. And I had no idea who you were! I must have caused you... so much pain... and I no way of helping to relieve your pain. I only caused more. Your smile... I knew you were someone who was... important. But for the life of me I couldn't remember you. And then... you left... And I couldn't stop thinking about you. And that's when it finally came to me. Shikamaru... I was trying to kill myself!"

She... she what?! I dropped the pack of cigarettes I had been reaching for the moment she said that. All the blood in my body migrated south and for a moment... I thought I was going to throw up. Her balled fists hit my chest as she began to sob horribly. I shakily put my arms arms around her, still trying to process what she had said. "Why?" Was all I was able to say in the end, and it nothing more than I broken voiced whisper.

"B-because! I remembered who you were and how important you really are to me and thought of the pain I was causing you and the pain I was going to continue to give you if I stayed in that state was to much!" She gripped my shirt harder. "I knew remembering was going to cause stress in my injured areas... and would kill me if remembered to much. So I sat there and wrote your name... over and over again, remembering everything we did together. And just when I thought I was successful... the nurse came in and they knocked me out."

She lifted her face to me. Her cheeks were red, as were her eyes and nose. "Why would you stay around someone who doesn't even remember who are and has every chance of dying and leaving you all alone anyway?"

My hand gently lifted to tuck a piece of stray hair behind her ear, my hand resting on her cheek after. All these tears. I can't stop them... but I can change their reason. My thumb brushed away a few of her tears. "Because even if she can't remember my name, what we are, or how much of a pain I think she is-" Reira cracked a smile and laughed at this. "-I still love her enough to hold her hand and tell her everyday what she means to me. I still will love her no matter what may happen."

Those tears fell harder, but this time I knew it was for a different reason. I tightened my hold around her, kissing her ear and the top of her head in a soothing manner. That's right... I will always love her. But then... learning about what was really running through her head so long ago it seems... when she really did die... what brought her back?