I'm sorry

My life

So on Monday when I was coming home from the beach from a Cheer comp. my friend Nina texted me saying "GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY" me being curious I asked what happened. My used to be friend summer and this girl named Anna got busted for drugs. I texted summer asking what happened and her mom sent this long paragraph saying she was gonna get a restraining order taken out on me if I ever talked to summer again. She got suspended for a week. So I won't see her till Tuesday. Well her mom went through her phone. I told summer all my problems. Her mom saw everything. Me cutting and self harm and all. She told the assistant principle. My mom went to call the school about her mom threatening me and the assistant principle told my mom. So now my mom knows. Everything. I haven't told her how long or when it started or any triggers. So the first thing my mom asked me was "where would you get an idea to do this because I thought you were strong or at least your were to me." my mom has said before that she can spot a self harmer easily. Apparently not considering she missed her own daughter. So now my mom knows and treats me like I'm mental and insane. I've been clean for a while like a month. On top of that summer is telling my friends lies about me and turning them against me. I'm tired of this and I want it gone. I almost wished I would've killed myself a while ago. It would've been much easier. My mom has been cold and distant to me since she found out. When I needed my mother she wasn't there. Now she's here physically but not mentally. I need my mother and she's not even here to see her daughter drowning again. Drowning in her own tears.