I'm sorry

Welcome to the Black Parade

So anyways I'm alive if you haven't guessed. If you haven't then you should've by now. Sorry I haven't updated I found out some shocking news about a friend of mine and I've been freaking out. I'm not gonna say I'm good. I'm not. I'm gonna try and update daily now and let you keep tabs. Like you care anyway. I'm probably talking to myself anyways. Oh well.

So a lot has happened in a month. My friend attempts suicide and nearly died. I was a mess. She told me a song lyric/reference that I didn't understand. She told me "Would you carry me to the end" it's a My Chemical Romance song lyric. The songs called To The End. I was upset by her suicide attempt that I attempted. I tried to go the same way she did. Pills. The next time I try and die I'm gonna eat a bullet. If you think I am legit gonna eat one then leave now bc I have no tolerance for stupid ignorant people right now. After that I was on Johnnie Guilbert's younow and it ended and I was on Misterskinnyjeans's younow. I met his other #1 fan. Her and I went back and forth. We talked on Twitter. Her and I are good friends. I got a follow from him. Him and I talk. I got a DM from Jordan Sweeto but I can't reply bc he's not following me back.

I missed a call from Johnnie and Clay Labrant on Hushed which I'm sad about.

My sister came home from college and told me to drink bleach. I actually considered it.

I went to some shitty dance at school and danced with my crush but he told me it was a bet to see if I could confess my feelings for him. So now I'm mortified and don't want to go tomorrow.

A lot of people now know of me being suicidal because a so called "friend" of mine told like 30 people and now I get texts from Them asking if I'm alright. I replied truthfully to one and they said I was an attention seeking whore that needed to slit my throat bc if I'm thinking like this then I'm good as dead.

My own mother called me a disgrace and a whore because I had a neighbor who I talk to a lot kissed me and my mom saw it. She said I was a whore and all because he was Chinese. I didn't like him like that.

Oh and now my dad works 3rd shift so I have to see him more.

Also pretty sure my parents are getting a divorce because they are fighting and my mom talks about leaving him.

I have to quit cheer after this competition coming up because it's too much money and my sister is in college and my parents are paying for her and her car payments.

Also I've felt generally worse lately. I've developed a slight diet. Nothing too bad. I'm limiting myself to 650 calories a day. It was 700 and then it'll go down to 600, 550,500,450,400,350,300,250,200,150,100,59,0

That's my life is one month