Xavier,
hey buddy, it's been a whole five months without you, a whole five months without my bestfriend. it's been fucking hell. i still don't feel better, i still find it hard to fall asleep at night, the vision of you, lifeless on the ground, keeps me up. it haunts me. it always will. it's really hard, you were the first person i met when i moved to dahlia, the first person who really accepted me and wanted to be my friend. i message you daily still, to tell you about my problems, well, i did, up until last month when your phone contact ran out. that day broke
me. so now i'm switching to writing you letters. i always found comfort in venting to you, and even though you're gone in body, doesn't mean you're gone in spirit.
so, onto the venting, haha. i have some shit I need to tell you, damien and i are dating. i know i always used to tell you how much i liked him, you always used to tell me to just go for it, and i'd love to say i finally did, but he was the one who confessed to me. he's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time, and he makes me so happy. freelancer, lasko, gavin, damien and i have all been hanging out again, a lot more regularly like we used too. the freelancer always checks up on me, asks me how i'm doing, they're one of my bestfriends and i genuinely couldn't do this without them, same with lasko and gavin. i got the house, got multiple photos of you scattered around the place. i know you would've loved this place. we'd deffo have a few games nights together round here.
i guess i didn't have much to tell you, i haven't really been doing much. you were way too good for this world, xavier. i cant put into words how much i miss you, how much i'd give to see you just one more time, hug you just one more time, tell you how much you mean to me, just one more time. i feel you with me pretty much everywhere, the little signs you send me on a daily as so comforting. i feel so empty without you here, i'm starting to doubt if it's ever going to get better. you were and always will be my BestFriend, xavier. i cannot express how thankful i am for you, how thankful i am that i had the pleasure of knowing someone as amazing as you. i'm living for both of us now, dude.
shit dude, i wish you were here so bad. the team just isn't the same without you, life just isn't the same without you. somedays, i just want to scream, i want to shout at the world for taking you away from me. you had so much to live for.
damien and i are heading to your grave later, i'll give this letter to you then. i cannot wait to see you again, xav. i miss you so fucking much, I think about you every second of every day, you'll continue to live your life through me, and i promise you, i'll never stop telling every new person i meet, who you were, how much of a credit you were to everyone who knew you. i'll never let you die, you'll live forever, through me and through everyone who loved you, which is a hell of a lot of people.
i love you, xavier. forever and always and then some.
—— hux (69) <3
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