An Email a Day (Andy Barber)

Chapter 13 - Delilah

"Another lady date eh? This the same girl you went to the fling-raiser with". I chuckle as does Andy on the end of the line. 

"Yeah, it's...well we've been having lunch together most days the last few weeks and she's just...well, she's great". He says and I can tell he likes her. It must be nice to feel that way again. "And before you ask again about the bra size no, I haven't slept with her". 

"Damn Barber, you know me that well?" 

Another chuckle escapes him. 

I like his laugh. Something about it makes me smile too. 

"I'd like to think so, not keeping any skeletons?" 

"Other than the one of my dead husband? None" I throw back my dark humour, wondering if I've taken it too far, but he laughs harder. "Sorry, too much I know". 

He disagrees. "If it helps you cope then I ain't complaining. But seriously, anything else you haven't told me? I pretty much know about where you're from, what you do, that your husband's family are a bunch of elite bitches..." He pauses. "C'mon, humour me - favourite food". 

"Cake"

"Doesn't count" 

"Yes it does!"

"Meal. It's gotta be a meal" 

I huff. "Okay fine, errrrr - guess I like pasta. I could live on it" With the amount of carbs I eat I'm surprised I'm not breaking my scales. "How about you?" 

"Pizza, or Chinese takeout perhaps". 

"Has to be stuffed crust" I insist, "It's not a pizza if the crust isn't stuffed". 

"Agreed, ok so next up - comfort film". He now throws my way, "And I'm guessing chick flick". 

I shake my head even though he can't see me. "Nah, I'd say the one I always go to is Pride and Prejudice, with Keira Knightly. I like Austen adaptions". 

"You like her books?" 

"When I have time to read then yeah. You seem the type who prefers his head in a book rather than a Kindle". 

"Well you thought right". 

I now remember what I need to ask. "Speaking of books, I have something to send you. What's your address?" He tells me and I quickly note it down before he then asks me what I'm plotting. "It's a good book. Motivational. Helped me through Will's illness and after he'd gone. If I feel shit I go to it and just flip through. Honestly, I think you'll like it". 

"I trust you". 

I pause and then smile to myself. "Same here. If it's shit then throw it away". I half laugh. 

I already have the book in question wrapped and ready to send. I'll take it down the post office tomorrow so hopefully Andy will get it sooner rather than later. It's called 'The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse'. Long title I know but it's become like a 'bad day bible' for me. It lifts me a little once I read a few pages. 

"What books you into then?" I now question. "Wait! Don't tell me...history...philosophy? Heavy stuff that I probably can't understand". 

"How the fuck did you even guess that?" He sounds surprised.

"Lucky one" I tell him smugly. "You a podcast guy?" 

He snorts at this. "Not really, wife tried to get me into that kinda stuff but it wasn't mind kinda thing". Then he goes quiet. "Sorry...I don't tend to like talking about her that much". 

My heart breaks for him. "I know, and you don't have to - you prefer talking about Jacob instead?" 

"Some days I can talk about him loads, and others? It hurts to even say his name. " Andy now admits. "God, sometimes I wish I could talk about Jake like you talk about Will". 

I'm quiet for a moment. "Wanna know a secret?" 

"Go on". 

"I hate talking about him, but I have to, because if I don't then I feel worse for it. Not because I'm worried that people would think I've forgotten him, because I never will, but because if I don't say what I have to? Then I'm gonna go shit crazy - only talk about the fun times though, not the crap ones."

There's a sadness to his voice. "I have more crap times if I'm honest...especially in the months leading up to the accident". He falls silent and I wonder if he's still there, but then he begins to speak again. "Deli...I wanna tell you about what happened - I've told no one else about it but...you're right. I need to talk". 

"Andy you don't have to..." I start but he cuts me off. 

"No. I wanna - you know about my wife doing what she did...but this is before that..."

I sit back. "Ok...I'm listening". 

Andy tells me everything, from the day that the boy was found murdered, Jacob getting arrested and accused, the trial, the wrongful accusations in Mexico, about what his father did in the past. He tells me everything. I sit and I listen until finally he finishes. "You still there..." his voice sounds defeated, ashamed. 

"I'm still here..." I tell him warmly. "Andy...you need to stop blaming yourself for this..."

"You don't even care that my dad's a murderer, my kid was all but accused of the same thing and my wife went nuts and took him from me?" 

Even when he puts it that way I don't care about any of that. "You've taken too much shit, So what? Your dad committed the crimes years ago when you were a kid..." 

"Yeah and look what happened to me. Couldn't even be a decent father to my own kid. I couldn't protect him". 

"No, but you trusted your wife to, and she betrayed that trust. Andy, if you weren't a decent father then you wouldn't have done what you did for Jacob. You are not your father". I emphasise. 

There;s another moment of silence before he finally speaks again, sounding a little better in himself. "Thanks Deli...no one's put it that way before - well, they haven't even said it". 

"Then they clearly don't know you very well at all".