An Email a Day (Andy Barber)

Chapter 15 - Delilah

"So you finally got the girl?" I ask with a small laugh as I talk to Andy one evening. He's telling me about the date he went on at the weekend and apparently it ended very well indeed. Even though we've been emailing each other all day, he called me to give me all the gory details that I wanted. 

"Well...I wouldn't say that, I mean, I like her...a lot..." He trails off. 

It occurs to me that I'm probably the only person that he's admitted this to, and I have to admit, now listening to where they went, how they ended up...I feel strange. 

"Deli?" His voice now comes through again

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?" 

"I asked whether I should feel bad for doing this". 

I frown to myself. "Going on a date?" 

"Falling for a girl. I feel like I'm betraying Jacob - like it's not fair for me to be moving on". 

"You moved to Colorado for a new start, to move on", and then I pause - knowing that I should be thankful to have friendship from him more than anything else. But there's a pang inside of me knowing that now he has Victoria to talk to, to tell everything to, that I'll just be pushed aside like I have been already. "You deserve someone who can give you more than your ex wife ever did..." 

He deserves someone who actually understands him, and can accept what happened in the past. 

"Have you, erm, have you told her about Jacob and Laurie?" 

"She knows they died, she just doesn't know the circumstances...I'm not ready for that just yet - might just fuck it up before it's even started".

I bite my lip. "Well if she likes you enough? She'll understand. She sounds like a reasonable woman". 

"God, she's great - smart, caring..."

"Absolutely supermodel stunning?" I finish his sentence. 

He laughs in a way that's already familiar to me. "That's a bonus, she's a beautiful girl, good a her job. Guess I'm just wondering why she decided to go for a guy like me,".

I know why...

"You like the same things? Interests and stuff?" I ask, now not really wanting to know about what kind of shit Victoria is into. I'm already envisioning a suited woman with perfect hair and smile, driving a Mercedes or some shit like that. The ultimate career bitch. I mean, she's in the law field, she's brainy and has a degree obviously. Then there's little old me sat over here with my GCSE'S that weren't all great and a diploma in floristry. 

I'm now wondering how the fuck I managed to wrangle a husband in the first place. Especially one like Will. 

"A few things, but hey - opposites attract right?"  Andy pulls me from my thoughts once more. 

"They certainly do, I mean, Will and I? Couldn't have been anymore different but we worked. Okay his family were pompous shits but somehow he wasn't. It was like he wanted to break the mould and rebel". 

He chuckles. "I'm seeing her tomorrow evening anyway". 

"Oooooh you'd better be safe Barber" I joke lightly. 

"Believe me, I was the other night - I took your advice about child maintenance". 

"Did you have her screaming so the neighbours knew you were there?" 

He groans, "I've just gotta be thankful she didn't say another guy's name". 

I smile to myself. "You sound like you're falling hard". 

"I mean I'm falling...I really think I am..." 

"But?" 

There's a 'but' coming, I can sense it. 

"I just...am I ready to move on? It's been three years. I wanna, don't get me wrong I do - but I don't wanna mess up. I hid my past from Laurie and look where it got me, but if I'm honest about it with Victoria? She could run..." 

I'm silent. If this woman leaves him then she's not worth the air he breathes. "Or...she could decide that it doesn't matter. Past is past - we both know that". I swallow. "Andy...you have a good thing going , or starting whatever way you wanna look at it - you know if you're open with her she'll respect you more. If she's not? Then you're better off without". 

He will move on. I know he will - and just by the way he talks about Victoria I can tell he's in deeper than he realises. 

I don't know why I feel hurt by it though. It's not like anything could happen with us anyway. 

"I've gotta go, Victoria's calling". He says. 

Of course she is. 

I try and sound like my usual poppy self but my mood has taken a plunge. "Yeah, cool - and like i said, be safe! Although if it's gonna be phone sex then that really doesn't count so - yeah, go enjoy yourself...and her..." 

"Hey Del?" He says before we say goodbye. 

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks...you're the only person I can talk to about this stuff. I'm glad to have you, really". 

I swallow. "Yeah...I'm glad I've got you too". 

Like I said, it's better than nothing at all. 

"Anyway I really gotta take this call, I'll check in tomorrow". 

"Go get'um tiger..." I say weakly, but try to sound positive for him. "Check in tomorrow". 

Once we hang up I shake my head to myself. "Don't even think about Deli, be thankful for what you have and who you have, he needs this...he needs to move on". 

It still doesn't ease the feeling that's built up within me from that call though, but I know for my own sake that I just have to suck it up like the big girl that I am, and carry on. 

For my own sanity...