ALL OF MY PEACHES ARE RUINED || nate & cassie | euphoria abo

c h a p t e r t w e n t y

chapter twenty: BACK TO HOW IT WAS, BUT NOT REALLY

I SPENT THE NEXT FIVE hours in my room, not unpacking, but going through the contacts on my phone. There were a few new contacts – Connell, Jason, Martha – but the one I was looking for the most was not there. I wanted to call Nate. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to explain everything. After dad's confession the guilt I was feeling since last night grew into a heart-eating monster and I was getting physically sick with nausea it made me feel.

I face-timed Rue. I hadn't known I'd missed her so much until I saw her face. She said she was worried sick, thinking I was dead. She said she spent the last two weeks coming in and out of my house, asking my parents if there was any news about me. There never was. Rue begged me to come to her house, but I said I didn't want to leave my room and see my dad. She started asking a lot of questions and I told her I'd answer a lot of them when she came to see me herself. She wanted to come immediately but eventually, we settled to meet on Monday., which was tomorrow.

Practically the moment I hung up, the door of my room opened, and my mom came in. she was definitely listening to the conversation, maybe she was waiting for the call to end. She brought food.

"Hey, can we talk?" she asked.

I frowned but moved to the side of my bed to make some space for her to sit. She did. The food looked nice, like something from my childhood.

"Haven't we talked enough?"
her face grew serious, "We haven't talked at all. Listen, I understand you're angry..."

"I'm not angry," I said, even though I was angry. "I'm just disappointed I was born In a family where murder is just such a casual thing. And that I have to suffer the consequences of it."

Mom sighed, "I understand that, but... That's just how it is. In a world like this. You either kill or you get kill."

I couldn't look at her. "Do you really believe that or did dad just told you so?"

She swallowed, "I have to believe it. I didn't choose this life. You didn't choose it, too. And... I'm not asking you to forgive your father. He'll leave and give you some space for a few days, he promised. Just please, don't push me away."

I raised my head. Mom's eyes were full of love and sadness. I always thought I was more like my dad. But actually, I was a copy of mom.

Slowly, I nodded, "Fine. You didn't really do anything wrong. But I'm leaving on Thursday. So tell dad to not get any ideas. That is my decision, and he can't force me to do anything."
she smiled sadly. I wanted to tell her that this didn't feel like home anymore and that was the reason why I didn't feel the need to stay any longer that necessary. But she already closed the door before wishing me goodnight.

___

Mom made pancakes for breakfast. I don't know exactly if she was the one to make them, but dad was nowhere to be seen. He was giving me space, just like he said. Fine. I still won't change my mind.