Daisies & Lightning

I Want To, But I...

I want to scream at the top of my lungs forever,

But I can never seem to make a single sound.

I want to be strong and brave, to not have any fears,

But I am terrified of shattering into a million pieces.

I want to be happy, make others smile and feel just as good as I do,

But I have a storm brewing inside of me, my tears mingling with rain.

I want to feel warm and tingly, a fuzzy feeling in my chest,

But I am cold as ice, a statue that doesn't show any emotion.

I want to love someone who will love me just as much as I them,

But how can I ever love someone, if I do not love myself? How?

I want to make all of my worries and doubts disappear, to just go away!

But I am full of troublesome, useless thoughts making my head pound!

I want to make all of the suffering end, for everyone to be happy for once,

But I am weak, how could I ever protect anyone else, if I cannot protect myself?

I want to help those in need, even if with just a small piece of bread, even just a smile,

But I am selfish and cruel, deciding to be ignorant instead, building my own reality.

I want to runaway from it all, just forget all of my problems and live in the 'perfect world',

But I have to face reality, I'll just cause more trouble if I don't, so why even try anymore..?

I want to be the perfect child, not disappointing, setting an example, be responsible for once,

But I am a child, I never grew up, I'm immature and reckless, I always seem to disappoint...

I want to just disappear,  never to be seen or heard of again, to never exist in the first place,

But I am here, I don't seem to have a choice, I am forced to live out my  worst nightmares.

I want to not be so alone, always feeling, or rather not feeling, I don't want to be so empty,

But I am hollow, barren of the bright light I once had that shined in my innocent orbs of sight.

I want to not be burdened by this weight on my shoulders, to fly freely in the never ending blue,

But I am locked in a cage of my own creation, only able to see through, but to never break free.

I want to cry and shout and just be free of this painful, endless torment I cause myself,

But I cannot not escape this maze I have created, lost and apprehensive of what is to come.

I want to,

But I...