Daisies & Lightning

Pressure Heavier Then My Empty Heart

It's pushing, shoving, down on my soul and pulling,

Dragging, me deeper into my own personal Hell.

Drowning in this ever-consuming darkness of my

Self-loathing, my self-hatred never ceasing.

No light of the dimmest candle to lead me through

This murky puddle of sweet lies and bitter truth,

Its depths too deep to ever know where it ends.

I can't swim, I can't breathe, someone please save

Me.

I can't speak a word, for fear of hurting others,

But hurting myself in the process.

Which is reality, and which is fantasy? A mixture

Of both is the result of this inner-calamity.

I'm lost, I'm alone, I'm scared.

An enemy disguised as a comrade in the midst of

This internal war, crushing my soul at a torturous

Pace so slow I feel nothing but this suffering.

I want it to end, I want it to stop, I can't take it

Much, if any, longer.

It eats away at my spirit, engulfing my dying

Flames of passion, once so bright and burning, now

Dull and wavering, weaker than ever before.

I don't want to force anymore fake, meaningless

Smiles, they create a mask I do not want to wear.

I don't want to feel as hollow as I do, I don't want

To be alone anymore.

I am young, yes, but I am not ignorant.

I am no Innocent.

I may not be wise, I may not have many years,

But I am not a fool.

I am not a toy to be played with, broken, then

Thrown away so easily like a porcelain doll.

I can be just as selfish as everyone else, I can

Be just as selfless as any could be if they tried.

I can be sadistic, I can be horrifying.

I can be caring, I can be kind.

I am everything I am, I am everything I am not.

I am a vacant carcass, a mere shell of what I

Could have been, of what I was.

I have a monochrome soul, my spirit's flame dim

And dying.

My mind is plagued by unwanted thoughts,

Memories long pushed aside, my head feels like

It will explode.

My stomach twists in knots that never end, my

Chest is a cage to these emotions aching with the

Want to be set free.

My heart is as empty as it is weighed down by this

Unrelenting Pressure.