Death In The Family (Red vs Blue x Male OC)

S2•E8 - Nine Tenths of the Law

When the team of three plus a prisoner left, Sarge and Donut remained.

Donut: So, just you and me hanging out at the base today, huh Sarge! This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me.

He begins to whistle casually.

Donut: So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? Do you think they stopped at the store? I noticed we were getting pre-tty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?

Simmons comes up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: Hey, we're back!

Sarge and Donut turn around.

Donut: Oh man, am I glad to see you guys! Sarge would not stop talking. Seriously.

Sarge: Grif, Simmons, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?

Grif and Evelyn run up and stands next to Simmons.

Simmons: (sighs) Uhh, not exactly sir. You see, when we showed up the Blues were doing something, REALLY weird and then w-

Grif: Really weird! And they were rude!

Simmons: Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story.

Grif: (half heartedly) Excuse me! Go ahead!

Simmons: (to Sarge) Well you see, the Blue guys were really weird. And not just normal weird, really weird.

Grif: You're not telling it right.

Evelyn: Okay, fine smartass, how do you remember it?

Grif: Well, I remember we agreed that Simmons is a kiss-ass. I got fuzzy on the rest of the details.

Simmons: ANYWAY, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir.

Sarge: Why those cunning, blue devils! Does their treachery know no bounds?

Grif: It wasn't a total loss, sir. I was able to steal his wallet.

Sarge: Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier outta you yet.

Grif: Really, sir?

Sarge: Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand and get back to work!

Evelyn: Saw that one coming.

*-*-*

An hour had passed after the failed attempt to give Doc back to the blue team. Even after the reds left, the blues were still no closer to fixing Church's conundrum. Ash said that he and Tex could look over Lopez's blueprints to see if there's something they could access, but it would take while seeing how weird Sarge's technical expertise is.

Church: Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do, man? I gotta get my legs working, here and Ash and Tex have been going at this for an hour!

Tucker: I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila too.

Church: Okay, great idea, but the only three people that can do that are Senior El Roboto, Ash and Tex. Two of which are currently trying to fix me!

Caboose: Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with.

Tucker: Yeah, bitches usually are. And Ash will be glad to help if you didn't bark at him to fix you Church.

Church: Quite frankly, Tucker, I find your attitude offensive.

Caboose: What about that Lopez person? Is he available?

Church: No. I'm in his body, remember?

Caboose: Well, why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and I will make him fix you and my girlfriend!