Death In The Family (Red vs Blue x Male OC)

S2•E4 - The Joy of Toggling

The Red team returned to their base with Doc as their prisoner. Speaking of the medic, he was outside the base with Grif and Evelyn as the guards.

Doc: So he was shot in the head...

Evelyn: Right.

Doc: ...and Grif gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head.

Grif: Exactly.

Doc: Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment.

Evelyn: I'm sorry what?

Grif: That's what I said.

Doc: Oh yeah, people often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that Blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine.

Grif: Yeah, I don't know about all that. I'm just glad that Sarge is wrong.

Evelyn: How are you qualified to be a medic again?

Sarge: Grif, Evelyn! Yer supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!

Grif: Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun.

Evelyn: This guy's a pacifist. And I don't think he can even hurt a fly!

Simmons: Oh, well you three will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and Grif didn't bring any ammo, and you got your ass kicked!

Evelyn: Up yours Dicky!

Grif: Hey thanks, kiss-ass. If we wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, Evelyn and I will be sure to ask you.

Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned.

Simmons: Oh shut up, your armor's pink.

Doc: Uh, hey, guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif, Evelyn, and I aren't, uh, technically friends.. uh, we're just talking. That's it.

The medic turned his attention to the two reds guarding him.

Doc: Sorry, guys, but it's pretty obvious that Grif is really unpopular, and Evelyn seems like a bad influence, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all I can't really be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand.

Grif: ..

Evelyn: ...

Doc: It's only because no one likes you. Or is afraid of you.

Grif: ...

Evelyn: ...

Doc: Stop staring at me.

*-*-*
Blue Base

The blues returned to their base as well. Tex and Ash were having a meeting, Caboose was doing his own thing while Tucker and Church were on top of the base.

Tucker: Hey Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?

Church: Huh... Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. Alright. Stand back.

Tucker takes a step back while Church cleared his throat.

Church: Huhrur...! Heeungh...! Hoom...!

Tucker: Anything?

Church: Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be.

Tucker: Maybe there's a button on you somewhere...

Church: See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Huroor...! Oh! Hey!

Tucker: Found it?

Church: Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way.

Tucker:What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing. (as Tucker talks, Caboose passes through the entrance of the base)

Church: Celsius, Tucker.

Tucker: Oh come on, dude, Celsius sucks. (kneels down and looks at Church) Hey, I found something.

Church: Oh yeah? You found a button?

Tucker: Naw dude, it's more like a ..switch.

Church: Well, give it a flip.

Tucker: I don't wanna flip it.

Church: What's the problem?

Tucker: It's in a weird place.

Church: Oh you've gotta be kidding me.

Tucker: You flip it.

Church: These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there.

Tucker: What about Caboose?

Church: Oh man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.

Tucker: Oh man... what about Ash?

Church: I doubt he'd want to do this. Hell I can't find the guy. Can't even find Tex. I'm not sure where those two go.

Tucker: Man this sucks.

Church: C'm-Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner.

The aqua soldier kneeled down and tries to flip the switch. Only to stand back up as it didn't work.

Tucker: It won't move, it's stuck.

Church: Did you try wiggling it?

Tucker: No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle.

Church: Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it.

Tucker kneels back down again.

Church: ... So, you from around here, baby?

The other male blue shot up in agitation and annoyance at his teammate.

Tucker: Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that.

Church: Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Tucker: I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it.

Church: You obviously do not know Tex that well. Plus I think Ash would kill you if you suggest that infront of them.

Tucked: Oh man...

Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch and a beeping noise starts.

Tucker: There! Anything?

Church: Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?

*-*-*
Red Base

The reds were still discussing what to do with Doc. Their meetings usually take longer than this.

Sarge: Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?

The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume.

Simmons: Well, we have to get him away from Grif and Evelyn, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to Grif, plus I think Evelyn is about ready to slit his throat.

Donut: How 'bout we, um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him.

The Warthog's headlights flash in time with the beeping

Warthog: (warbled and slurred) Warthog online.

The Jeep's headlights flash once and remain on, and the voice is now up to speed.

Warthog; Homing beacon activated.

Donut: Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?

Sarge: Uh oh.