The Reds and Blues are no long shooting at each other. Sarge now began addressing Church.
Sarge: We are giving you a chance to surrender!
Grif: There's no way this bluff is gonna work.
Sarge: Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo.
Evelyn: I doubt it.
*-*-*
Ash: Sarge cannot seriously think we're that stupid. We already know they're out of ammo.
Church: Yeah, no kidding... (yells back) What're your terms?!
Tucker: Their what?
*-*-*
Grif and Evelyn: Our what?
Simmons: I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge.
Grif: Oh yeah. 'Cause then he can fix the Warthog.
Donut: Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag.
Grif: Yeah, and some cake!
Donut: Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake.
Evelyn: Really? Cake? ...Sure why not?
Sarge: Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!
Simmons: Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up and Ash nearly rip and tore us to shreds until it was done.
Evelyn: Which was to strangle and torture Donut.
Sarge: ...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!
Church: Uh oh.
Sarge: You may know him as Señor El Roboto!
*-*-*
Tex: Well, Church, what's it gonna be?
Church: Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing.
Ash: Well we have to think of something.
Sarge: And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!
Tex: Ok then. New plan: Just say he left.
Church: Uh.. Uh, he's not here any more!
Tucker: Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!
Church: That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French.
Ash: Actually that's Japanese.
Church: Oh whatever. Let's try this: Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!
Doc: A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there.
*-*-*
Simmons: Meh, that sounds pretty good to me.
Grif: I don't know, I think we can hold out for more.
Evelyn: We don't have any bullets, dumbass.
Grif: Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal.
*-*-*
Church: Hey, Doc. How's the patient?
Doc: Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive.
Tucker: He's talking about Caboose, right?
Ash: Not the time, Tucker.
Church: No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?
Doc: What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago.
Caboose: (sad) Rest in peace, pinkie toe... (in O'Malley voice) You shall be avenged!
Ash and Tex looked at each other hearing Caboose's voice. Something didn't seem right.
Doc: (sighs) Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help.
Church: Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get?!
Simmons: You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!
Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?!
Sarge: What do you want?!
Church: How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!
The Reds mutter to themselves for a moment.
Sarge: What if we admit that one of us sucks?!
Grif: NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?
*-*-*
Two Hours Later
Ash: Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic!
Sarge: Get on with it, Grif.
Grif: (grunting sigh) I would just like to let everyone know.. that I suck!
Evelyn was snickering. Trying to hold in her laughter.
Church: And?!
Grif: And that I'm a girl!
Tex: What else!?
Grif: And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!
Evelyn soon burst out laughing.
Sarge: This may be the best surrender of all time.
Simmons: Okay, is that good enough?!
Church: Yeah! (turns to Doc) Alright, go ahead Doc.
Doc runs over to the Reds. Evelyn was holding her sides as she kept laughing but soon calmed down.
Grif: Man, I really hope you're worth this.
Doc: Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?
Grif: Water? We ran outta water six months ago.
Doc: No water.. Then what do you drink?
Grif: Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual.
Sarge: I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada. (singing) If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh.
Evelyn: ...I don't think the water was the only thing they put something in.
YOU ARE READING
Death In The Family (Red vs Blue x Male OC)
FanfictionNothing hurts like losing one of the family..." =========================================== Ash Church is the brother Rachel Church (Agent Carolina). Living with a loving family and a somewhat overprotective older sister. When they were kids, their...
