Death In The Family (Red vs Blue x Male OC)

S1•E3 - The Rookies

Red Base
Simmons, Evelyn, and Grif are on top of Red Base. A soldier in red armor walks up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.

Evelyn: Yes, it is.

Grif: Eve's right. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-

Donut: Excuse me, uh, sirs.

Grif: Sirs? (turns to Donut) Ah crap.

Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge.

Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.

Simmons: Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone.

Evelyn: You are such a kiss-ass.

Grif: Agreed.

Simmons: Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."

Grif: That's the worst impression I've ever heard. Of all time.

Evelyn: (thoughts) Looks like someone's stolen your catchphrase David.

As she said that in her head, a figure, that's far away, in grey armor with yellow highlights sneezes.

Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?

Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.

Evelyn tried to hold back her snicker at Donut's name.

Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?

Donut: This IS the standard issue red.

Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

Donut: (looks at Simmons) Well, he's wearing red armor.

Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.

Donut: Well what about her? (Points at Evelyn) She's wearing blue armor!

Evelyn: (pushes back snickers) That's because of a mixup with command. They also gave one of the blue guys red armor instead of blue armor.

Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?

Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Blue Base

Church, Tucker, Ash, and a soldier in standard issue blue (Caboose) are looking at a tank.

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: Hey, kid.

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!

Ash: Come on Tucker. Go easy on him. (To Caboose) Also rookie, that seems like a great idea. I think my uncle would like to build one of those.

Caboose: Oh! Well thank you!

Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.

Red Base
Simmons and Grif are briefing Donut. Meanwhile Evelyn watched them trying to fool the kid but was also snickering on the inside.

Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.

Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!

Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?

Donut: Absolutely!

Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.

Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.

Donut: The what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?

Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Donut starts running across the base.

Grif: Other way.

He turns around and goes the other way.

Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.

The idiotic dynamic duo watch Donut running off into the Gulch. Evelyn joins in with them.

Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?

Grif: I say... at least a week.

Evelyn: Two at most.

Donut then runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.

Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.

Blue Base

Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.

Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?

Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets.

Ash: I do not think that's something to go by Tucker.

Red Base

Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?

Evelyn: Well, we all were a little hard on him.

Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?

With Donut
Donut then sees and approaches Blue Base.

Donut: Finally, there it is. ...Oh sweet! They sell tanks!