For the years that are gone, I learned through them.
I was so proud of myself for surviving my self-doubts and endless fear of the future. It might not mean I am always happy... but whenever I feel lonely, I can handle it better by embracing how I feel and not being stuck in the situation.
After the news came out that he is getting married, I had a time to contemplate about how I truly feel. Tulala ako habang nasa byahe sa bus pauwi. Tinititigan ko lang yung mga ilaw ng sasakyan sa bintana. Naka-earphones man ako pero wala ring tumutugtog. Wala kasi akong mapiling kanta na babagay sa kasalukuyang nararamdaman ko.
Sa totoo lang, hindi naman ako masaya. Pero hindi rin naman ako malungkot.
Hindi rin naman ako puno. Hindi rin ako kulang. Sakto lang.
Kumbaga wala akong ganang tumawa pero hindi rin naman ako naiiyak.
Pagkauwi ko, napabukas ako ng laptop. Bukod sa may mga files akong kailangang i-send sa e-mail, napatingin rin ako sa facebook.
Bumungad nga sa akin ang pre-nuptial photoshoot ni Hiro at ng soon-to-be-wife niyang si Niki. Wala naman sigurong masama kung tinitignan ko bawat picture a'no? Hindi ko naman intentional na sinearch pa ito, talagang lumabas lang sa newsfeed ko... so... titignan ko.
Ang cute nila. Infairness.
And, if I'm going to be honest with myself... may kirot pa din.
He used to smile at me that way. He used to look at me that way. He used to be caring, sweet, and gentle to me.
The only difference is that I was never officially the one.
This person with him, who will walk in the aisle, had already gave a couple of yes to him-- first, when they began dating, and second when he asked her to marry him. Ang susunod, sa harap na ng altar... where they would exchange their vows to keep choosing each other and to keep saying yes to a future together.
None of this was ever mine to experience. Because before we even began something, it already ended. Like it also never happened.
That very night, Ate Chin messaged me after a very long while. Ang sabi niya namiss niya daw ako and she suddenly thought of me. Well, it's given... hindi man niya directly sabihin alam kong ang engagement ni Hiro ang nagpaalala sa kaniya sa akin.
CHIN: Grabe, ang bilis ng panahon. Parang kailan lang nasa prod pa tayo hahaha
SHINE: Oo nga ate eh. Umiiyak lang ako dati kakahanap ng cord at HDMI
CHIN: Invite kita sa binyag ng baby ko ah!
SHINE: Omg! Totoo ba?
SHINE: May baby ka na ate?!
CHIN: Yes, mare!
SHINE: Congratulations, ate! Happy for you and the baby!
SHINE: Nako ate, masama daw tumanggi sa pagni-ninang kaya sureee. Aattend ako!
CHIN: Thank you beh!
CHIN: Sana nga naging kamukha na lang ito ng tatay para hindi magmana sa ilong ko
SHINE: Cute naman ah hahahaha
CHIN: Invite ko din yung iba mong blockmate na nasa prod
SHINE: Taray, reunion na ata ito ate
BINABASA MO ANG
The Way I Loved You
NouvellesShine met her greenest green flag in life. But one day, this person changed his treatment towards her. She contemplated for a while if she would share this to her favorite radio drama-anthology. She is not sure if she would send her draft or let the...
