APART (S.M)

Part 4

Molly Pov

I watch has Shawn placed his  right hand on his door handle to his condo, i gazed at his tattoo of a swallow bird, i thought back to the first night we were together and the way he held my hand and how i missed it. then when he walked inside i noticed a red line tattoo going down the back of his neck, i gasped which was honestly a little louder than i wanted it to be causing Shawn to turn around.

"sorry, the view" i lied. i had the exact same red line tattoo going down the back of my neck. i had got it to symbolise good zen going into my mind, when i was diagnosed with anxiety, i wonder what his meant to him. i watched as Shawn placed my suitcase near the couch and walked into the kitchen, we still hadn't said a word to each other apart from my stupid view comment, not since the airport. i decided to sit down on the couch, should i ask him why he all of a sudden is acting as if he dosen't want me here or should i just leave it, i mean it was his idea for me to come. 

"you know i can always stay at a hotel" i said quietly because if he didn't hear it wouldn't be the end of the world, i don't think i want to actually leave Shawn.

"why would you stay in a hotel molly?" he said with a sarcastic laugh as if what i said had just pissed him off even more

"i don't know, it just feel's like you don't even want me here" i muttered, he was making me feel nervous and shy. he kind of just stared at me then scoffed as if i was being ridiculous, i didn't feel as though i was. 

"not everything is about you, god" he leant back into the couch and rubbed his face with his hands then moved his hands through his gorgeous soft hair. i'm trying so hard not to start an argument here, i would have no one to turn to, fuck i'm in fucking Canada for crying out loud.

"i flew all the way to Canada, and this is how you act?" i said looking at him dead in the eyes so he knows he's not intimidating me even though he is. he smirks at me, but not in a sexy way or a way where he's about to say something cheeky, in a mean way, like he has so much control over me, which he basically does, i'm in his house.

"with my fucking money molly" he was right, i used his money to get here so no matter what i said or did he was always going to have that dangling over the top of my head, he was the full reason i was here and there was nothing i could do about it. there was a unsettling feeling in the air but i just couldn't get over the fact that his mood wasn't about me at all, i was going to get it out of him.

"Shawn, i know you're not acting this way because of me. What is going on?" i moved closer to him and placed my hand on top of his hand that was resting on his knee, he moved his head up to me and looked into my eyes which now looked a bit softer, his lazy eye was cute and made me smile a little to him, he was most definitely beautiful. 

"you're right, i'm sorry." he took a deep breath in and let it out really slowly before moving his hand away from mine but then grabbing my hand tight instead. "i didn't want to bring this up because you just got here and it's not fair to you, but i just couldn't move past it" he then went onto explain how paparazzi photos had been leaked of his ex girlfriend Camila with her supposed new boyfriend, he showed me the photos and they were walking holding hands, and kissing each other on the cheek. obviously it hurt that he was so caught up on the fact that Camila moved on, but at the same time, i understood, she was his first real love, nobody could take that away from him. 

"Shawn, she was you're first love, i mean everybody knows how crazy you were about her years before you were even together" i grazed my hand along his chin "you will never not love her, that's just how first loves work. i mean heck, i still love mine, i'm not in love but i love him, theres a difference" i started rambling which is what happens when i get nervous so i started rubbing my hands together again, he looked down and grabbed my hands and looked up to me and smiled and i smiled back. 

"Shawn if you're not ready, i understand, it's okay. I just can't be a rebound" he looked a bit taken aback by what i said but at the same time he also looked like he understood which made me even more upset, i hadn't even been in Toronto for 3 hours yet and i already knew id be flying back home. he hadn't said anything just held onto my hands staring at them not wanting to look me in the eyes. 

Shawn Pov

i knew i had messed up now inviting her here, when now she knows that i am clearly not over Camila. I mean i should be, it's been months. But when i remember how fucking hard i tried to get that women and then how easily she let go, i cant get over it. I didn't want Molly to leave and at the same time i didn't think i was using her as a rebound but maybe i was. but i cant let her walk away, not now, not again. 

"trust me, you are not a rebound" i muttered to her because i was still trying to convince myself that it was true. it's not like she would ever find out that she was my rebound if i never actually tell her. i looked into her eyes and they were glossy as if she was trying so hard not to cry. that made me feel bad and it made me feel selfish, but sometimes you have to be. 

"so you don't care about the age difference anymore then?" she whispered to me as if she didn't want anyone to hear even though it was just us two in my condo. i did care, and i wasn't going to let anyone know how old she was, but again she didn't have to know that either, what she dosen't know dosen't hurt her. i am not a bad person, just sometimes you have to be selfish, i really like molly but at the same time, no one can know about her, i'm sure molly will get over it eventually when i make her fall in love with me. 

"no, it's no one else's buisness but ours" which was true, it was no ones buisness. she looked at me with an upside down smile, i don't think she was convinced yet.

"i'm just going to go for a walk, i'll be back" molly said, she got up and walked out the door before i even have time to process what was happening.

i already know i'm going to mess this girl up mentally and i really didn't want to, so maybe we just have to come to an agreement?