APART (S.M)

part 14

Molly Pov

i was sitting in Andrew's office with Andrew and Shawn and we were going through emails. We leave for tour tomorrow. Shawn has not said a single word to me since the other night, he wont even look at me. honestly it is hard because every time i glance at him i just want to run into his arms and tell him everything is going to be okay. i know he is having a hard time, with the whole tour. After cancelling the wonder tour a few months ago, he feels as though he has to do this for his fans. he is so selfless, i admire that about him, i am not like that at all clearly. I want to say something that will get Shawn's attention, i am just dying for him to look at me. i need to see his eye's i don't think i'll survive this tour without him at least talking to me, even if it is just fighting. 

"Andrew i have an email here for Shawn, from Magnolia entertainment" both of their heads looked up, Shawn still didn't look at me though, his eyes went to Andrew although Andrew's eyes went to me. "whose that? read the email" Andrew questioned. 

"they are management for Hailee steinfield" they both raised their eyebrows, i continued "they want to know if Shawn could do some PR with Hailee, they are saying it would be good for her numbers and for Shawn's tour success"  God this is awful, they want him to fake date her, i don't know if i could handle that, seeing the guy i practically love with someone else. even if it isn't real. 

"so what? shed join us on tour?" Shawn asked, still facing Andrew but asking me, i guess at least he was talking to me now. i sighed loudly, a bit to loud as i read over the rest of the email. "they want her to join you on tour so you can be seen together" Shawn looked down to his lap as i looked over to Andrew, we both had puzzled looks waiting to see what Shawn has to say. god please say no Shawn. 

"sound's good" Shawn said as he shrugged his shoulders. oh god, i don't think i can do this, i think you can practically see the dread all over my face which i quickly cover up by rubbing my hands over my face. Shawn was now looking at me, probably to see my reaction, i wonder if he is agreeing to this just to make me upset, i wouldn't be surprised. when i realised his eyes had shifted to me, i cleared my throat and then nodded my head yes, i couldn't manage to bring the words out of my mouth. then my phone started ringing, Shawn and i both looked down and it was sam, Shawn raised his eyebrows then scoffed. of course i forgot about the instagram photos. "sorry, i just have to take this, he wouldn't call unless it was important" Andrew nodded his head at me. i got up and grabbed the phone and clicked awnser. 

"hey babes, you okay?" i said as i walked out of the room making sure Shawn heard the babes part. 

"yeah, i'm sorry for ignoring you recently. i was being an ass" he sighed. 

"hey, don't worry. i just missed having you there for me. i need you"

"yeah i know, how are things going anyway?"

"well, Shawn has agreed to have a fake girlfriend with him during tour. I'm low key contemplating coming home, there is no point anymore" i sighed and then the vibe of the call suddenly shifted

"yeah i think that is probably for the best, i don't want to see you get hurt anymore" 

"I will let you know what i do, i have to go back now. I love you" 

"i love you too, stay safe" 

i walked back into the room and both of the boys were staring at me.

"everything okay?" Andrew asked quietly as if he didn't want to over step a boundary

"what?" that is when i realised, i forgot the door was glass and they must of seen that i was tearing up outside. god i am so stupid. "oh right, yeah of course" 

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i have decided i am going to stay on this tour, Hailee is joining us after his first show, so in about 4 days. i am currently at the airport with the whole team. everyone is buzzing but me, i am sitting off to the side with my AirPods in. I am listening to "it's OK - slowed" by Edith Whiskers. i regret this whole entire thing, why did i have to be so stupid. i literally can't do anything right, i fuck everything up. Now i am stuck, on the other side of the world all alone. because of my own stupid mistakes. how do i alway's let this happen to me, why do i do this to myself. this was all a big mistake, being with Shawn in the beginning was a mistake, coming here was a mistake. i start thinking about everyone i have ever let down, everything i have ever done wrong, the other night at Shawn's apartment where i clearly broke him. I am a horrible person, i am so selfish. I am clearly making this man miserable, why cant i do anything good. i start rubbing my hands together as my foot starts bouncing up and down, i can feel the tear's welling up in my eyes, my breathing start's to get heavier and harder to control, the bouncing of my foot gets faster and i start to rub my hands harder. i have to get away from here before everyone see's me. Why is he so happy, and i'm over here dying without him. 

i quickly stand up and grab my purse and speed walk to the bathroom. every bathroom was taken so i quickly ran into the disabled bathroom, i know that's wrong but i'm on the verge of a panic attack. i close and lock the door then drop everything on the ground. i put my hand's on the sink and see myself in the mirror, i am so fucked up. i start hyper ventilating, nothing coming out of my mouth but tear's spewing out of my eyes. I'm trying so hard to catch my breath but i can't. i am absolutely terrified. i look at myself in the mirror and panic is screaming from my eyes, i'm trying so hard to calm myself down but i can't. then there is a knock on the door.

"Molly, it's me" his voice. 

"go away" i pant out, trying to be quiet so he dosent know what's wrong

"let me in now" he growls at me, i don't want to argue with him, so i slowly walk over to the door, still gasping for air. as soon as i click the lock open the door swings open and Shawn is standing there staring at me, he pushes me in, closes the door and pulls me into his arms. i don't even fight back i just let myself melt into him, he pushes my head into his chest and leave his hand on my head, stroking it. then he put's his face into my hair and shushes me. my breathing returns back to it's normal pace and the crying stops, i look up at him and he gives me a sympathetic smile. he then moves back and puts both of his hands on either side of my face and wipes away my tear's with his thumb. 

"i knew what was coming before you even left the chair, i was watching you" he whispers, trying to be gentle with me. 

"i'm sorry" i muttered out, as i looked to the ground. he pushed my head back up

"you were crying in the office yesterday too, why?" he put a piece of hair behind my ear

"i'm jealous of the way you're happy without me" as i blurted out the words i never wanted to say to him, he let go of my face and stood back, confusion and anger written all over his face and i don't blame him. 

"let's go" he muttered then walked out of the bathroom, without waiting for me. 

why do i always do everything wrong.

Shawn pov

She's a hypocrite, she's jealous that i'm happy without her? is she kidding? she literally has a boyfriend, that sam guy that she was with the whole time she was in Toronto. i tried to fix thing's with her the other night and she shut me down and now she think's i am going to run back to her just because now she is ready for me. that isn't happening. i hate her, i have never hated anyone before my i hate her. i cannot wait for hailee to get her.