INTRODUCTION
HOWDY, Y'ALL! I'M THE RIGHT HONORABLE RANTIN N. RAVEN-FAUX VI, MAYOR OF MYASSA.
WELCOME TO MYASSA! PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE! SET YOURSELF DOWN AND MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOMETHING TO DRINK? SOME NICE W...
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President Pushy Groper has recently been enthusing that he has taken and "passed" an oral (he forgot his glasses again) sentience and self-awareness exam designed for students about to graduate from pre-school. (When he heard the word "oral" he became visibly aroused.) There is some question about him trying to hire a five year old body double to take it for him, but he crossed his heart and fingers that he took the test himself.
It is also thought that Vice President Tuppence may have told him the questions after taking the test. No report has been made of Tuppence passing the test himself.
Pushy is proud to announce, incessantly, that he passed with flying colors, but couldn't remember what colors they were except that two of them were red. He was told five words and asked to repeat them. He went off topic after three words to complain about the BIDEN/CHINA-19 virus and how it is unfair to him for twenty minutes, plus how much more he knew about it than any America hating medical specialist shilling for Obama. He was reminded that two words remained. He asked which ones they were, then told the examiners "I made you say that" and received full credit.
(Aside: The president has recently changed his "birther" story that Obama was born in an African country, Kenya, to claim that it is obvious that O'bama is an Irish name (maybe even Northern Irish!). Despite having been to Ireland and spoken with its Prime Minister, Pushy thinks Ireland is another "shithole" African country. He also won't believe that New Mexico is part of the United States, not a central American splitter from Mexico. Since he can't get funding to fence New Mexico in, he has ordered the Army Engineers to dig a one foot deep trench around it as an impenetrable barrier. He also ordered the Department of Homeland Insecurity to build border crossing gates to reject all those trying to cross into the US.)
He crowed about how easy it was to identify pictures of an elephant and an alligator out of the three animals on the test page. It took him only four attempts. He was asked to find his ass with both hands and given five minutes to do it. He took only three and a half minutes. Asked if he could discriminate between his ass and a hole in ground five times out of ten attempts, he got five right in only seven tries. He couldn't tell the difference between shit and Shinola except that he believed that one of them was used by President Rummy Raygun in his hair. It wasn't an actual question but he got extra credit for being half right. Pushy wanted more credit than just half right. He demanded full credit for being far right.
He was given a fancy Presidential Participation Certificate framed in decorative cardboard which was the first donation to his Presidential Library. He bragged that he had read every item in his library after it was read to him and the Presidential aides (seen in the photo above) who helped him with the answers. He asked if that was going to be on the test.
