Wolfstar Oneshots

snowflakes

TW!!: suicidal thoughts

Sirius slipped away from the party, when no one could see, or care. He walked up to their dorm, closing the door behind him. He thought about locking it, but nobody would come here anyway. James was too busy trying to make Lily go out with him, Peter was with Marlene, and he didn't even know where Remus was. And no one else would care where he was, not that those three did either.

He brushed a hand through his hair, going to sit on a chair. He pulled out some parchment as well as a quill and ink. He looked out of the window. It had started snowing. First time this year, it'll probably melt by tomorrow, he thought.

Looking back down at the paper in front of him, he couldn't exactly find the words to explain his thoughts, not nicely at least. He dipped his quill in the ink and started to write.

//I'm sorry-

A knock on the door made him drop his quill and made the ink leak to the paper, making a mess out of the words he wrote. He looked out of the window, he could see the black lake, and some of the forbidden forest. He hadn't even noticed the tears going down his cheeks as he let the thoughts in his head take over.

He heard the door open, and close. He heard someone walking closer to him. He heard someone sitting down at the bed that was next to the desk, it was James' bed.

But the comer wasn't James because James would've said something as soon as he came to the room, and James' steps were loud and noticeable. If it had been James, he would have walked all over the dorm to find something and talk about how lily had once again said no.

It wasn't Peter either because his steps were heavy, and he always stepped on the one floorboard that creaked loudly because he couldn't remember which one it was. Also, James' bed was made, he wouldn't have sat on that because James was very focused on how he made his bed every morning. Peter would've walked to his own bed.

It was Remus it had to be. His steps were light and quiet. He was also the only one who would've knocked if he knew someone was alone in their dorm. And he opened and closed the door so carefully because that too -when opened too far, creaked loudly.

“Hey.” Remus whispered, softly, trying to figure out what was going on. He didn't want to push it, but he knew that Sirius wouldn't miss the part after their victory against Slytherin just because of nothing. “Wanna tell me what's going on.”

Sirius thought. Remus knew that not everything was alright, he also knew that the situation wasn't new, even though it hadn't happened in a while. He continued to watch the snowflakes fall down, shaking his head.

“It's nothing rem, don't worry.” He whispered, trying to smile, but he just couldn't. He could hear Remus sigh, it wasn't “I'm annoyed with you” kind of sigh, it was more like “I know it's nothing, tell me” kind of sigh.

“Angel, it's a little hard to believe you now. I can see your tears, you're not looking at me, you got your quill and paper out, and you're missing the party, and you never do that, unless something's too loud in your head.” Remus said. Every Time something was bothering Sirius, he said it was too loud in his head and that he needed it to stop.

“I don't want to do this any more.” He whispered after a while, picking at the hem of his jumper, still starting out of the window. He had always liked winter and snow, especially the first snowfall. There was always something magical about it.

“I need you to tell me a little more.” Remus said, trying to keep calm. Hoping he wasn't guessing right of what Sirius was talking about, scared that he was. He swallowed thickly as Sirius started to speak again. His voice was so quiet and distant? Like it wasn't there.

“I hate the feeling of my heart beating in my chest. And how it rises and falls every time I breathe.” He whispered, scared to look at Remus. This was something he didn't really want to admit. “I don't want to be here any more.”

Remus could feel tears in his eyes as he listened to Sirius' words. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't expect this. He tried to say something, but no words left his mouth and he just stared at Sirius with wide eyes, trying to hold the tears from spilling out.

“Everyday feels like a chore and everything feels like a chore, and that's not what it should feel like. It should be fun and joyful. Something to enjoy.” He whispered, his voice getting quieter and quieter by the end of his sentence. He felt more tears burning in his eyes as he thought about this whole thing.

Remus felt like he couldn't breathe. He tried to gather his thoughts and figure out something to say. He looked at Sirius, seeing more tears fall down from his eyes, he still hadn't looked at Remus.

“It's a little too much, and I'm tired, moony.” Sirius whispered, finally looking at Remus. Feeling bad seeing the tears in his eyes.

“Sirius.” He croaked, coughing, trying to get rid of the dryness in his mouth. “Love, where's all this coming from? Did something happen?” He asked, still trying to figure out what was going on. He looked at Sirius, even though the boy refused to meet his tear filled eyes.

Sirius shook his head. “I don't know.” He said honestly. He wasn't sure where all this was coming from, he didn't know. Nothing had happened that led to this. Of course, there were things in his past that might have something to do with what's going on now, but he still didn't understand.

“Please, don't go, don't leave me. I still need you.” Remus whispered, after a while, wiping his eyes, before looking back at Sirius. “I know you're a little broken right now, but I need you, Sirius, don't go.”

“I won't.” He said, finally looking Remus in the eyes. He wasn't going to do it, even though everything just hurt at the moment, he couldn't do that to the people he loved. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn't. “I promise.”

Remus closed his eyes, nodding slowly. When he opened them after a while, he stood up and walked the short distance to Sirius. He cupped Sirius' cheeks and wiped his eyes with his thumbs. “I love you.” He whispered, kissing Sirius forehead.

“I love you too.” Sirius whispered, looking up at Remus when he pulled away. When Remus let go of his cheeks, he reached one of his hands up to Remus' face, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

A/N: I wrote this thing in one sitting and only proof read it, so it probably wasn't my best work, but whatever.

<3