Utaite One shots (Ships)

What is life? 05

Warning: Suicide thought, blood, self harm
Read at your own risk

A/n: i read the comment, sorry for leaving but this story is just a glimpse of what i actually thought. I keep searching the meaning of life but i feel like giving up so much. I have this one person i really love. She like a source of happiness to me. But for anyone else, i'm just someone that toxic to her. They told me i'm a stealer. I guess falling in love is hard. Sorry for babling but i just want you to know i'm happy you read my story, recgonize me and most of all the comment help me keep going.

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Once again, Senra open his eyes and saw the same scenery but this time it's a little different. Standing surrounding him were Urata's worried face, Shima's crying face and Sakata's angry face. Weird, why they all make that kind of faces. Are they really that unsatisfied that he didn't die.

"Ha... ha.. ha... why... I'm still alive..." Raspy voice, Senra laughed.

Hearing that, the three of them immediately come near Senra.

"Sen-chan!? Are you okay!?"
"Senra!?"
"....."

Three different voices, three different sentences. "I'm okay... just feeling regret over still alive." Senra answered. His eyebrows frowned. The doctor stiches his wound but looking at that just make Senra more and more down.

"What are you saying!" Shima is the one that scream. "Of course we want you to be alive! Stupid!" The purplenette clenched his fist.

"Want me to be alive?" Laughing like someone that lose his sanity, Senra covered his mouth. "Funny coming from you guys."

"What do you mean by that..." Sakata asked. Senra feel like this is the first time Sakata said anything when he woke up.

Looking toward the window, Senra put his hand back on his lap. "You know, I'm tired. I always did my best. To interact with you guys, be the Senra that you guys want. Always always be patient and understanding. But for what? In the end, you guys will always care for each other."

"That's wrong! We care about Senra too!!" Urata said, taking Senra's hand so the thing he said will be transmited.

"Care? What kind of care? Do you think I didn't know? You three go hang out together. Sakata, everytime you want something, you will ask Shima and Urata but after you get that, you feel resentful toward me because I started to get close to Shima. Uratan, you keep talking about yourself without care about my interest. And you..." looking at Shima, Senra's eyes dropped to sadness. "Lie to me... for i don't know how many time."

The three of them stay silent.

"But well, everything is my fault at the end. Because I didn't make more effort. I didn't blend in with you guys. Oh yeah, I don't have feeling." Senra keep saying what on his heart. His golden orbs let out a few more tears while he said it.

"Senra keep doing what he can. But I also a human. I also have my own insecurity, my own problems, my own wants and selfishness. But I have to discard that. Just to make the three of you happy!" At the end he can only scream. At the end he just weak.

"If you hate me, said so. Don't pretend. Pretending is more hurtful than saying it more directly. I keep my mouth shut, my feeling fully close because I know no matter what it will not get through. People will always support you." Biting his lips, Senra burst out. Everything. Everything just hurtful. He done trying. He done fighting. Why they won't let him give up. There's like no meaning at all in his life.

"Sorry..." Shima muttered. He try to hug the blonde but Senra immediately dodge it.

"Don't. If sorry can fix everything, war will not even happened." Senra shake his head. He doesn't want apologize. He just want truth that can finally let him be free from this.

"I'm tired. Please get out." Finally, Senra muttered before he goes back to his bed. Seeing how silent the three of them, Senra just decide to ignore it. He used to it.

To be continue