Sab
I just can't leave.
I was in my car and already travelled about 10 kms pero di kaya ng konsensya ko. I get back to the hospital. I needed to. I even called Myelle to take care of Aya while I am here.
I sighed.
I walked back to where Ian was admitted and heard some noises. Mukhang may nag-aaway.
"Sya na naman? Sila na naman? Buong buhay mo Ian wala ka na ibang inalala kundi sila!"
"Irina, sila ang dahilan ng lahat."
"Pero hahayaan mo bang hanggang dito ka na lang?"
"Irina, gastos lang yang dialysis na yan, gastos lang ang transplant."
"Paanong magiging gastos kung magkakaroon ng extension ang buhay mo???"
"I've lived enough Irina."
"Enough? Ni hindi mo man lamang nga naenjoy ang buhay mo, puro ka trabaho, pagtitipid, pagsisikap. Kailan ka ba bumili ng gamit mo? Kailan mo ba naenjoy ang pagkain mo? Kailan ka gumastos ng kaunti para makatikim ka naman ng masarap? Ni gamot at vitamins hindi ka nakakabili ah!"
"Irina..."
"Ian naman, lumaban ka naman para sa sarili mo. Ilaban mo naman ang buhay mo, gumastos tayo para gumaling ka."
"Hindi na Irina, magpapahinga na ako."
"Ian, pag-isipan mo naman, please. Kung ayaw mong gumastos, ako, ako na lamang ang bahala."
"Irina, hindi. Sige na, ilabas mo na ako."
"Ian,.."
"Irina, lalabas na ako, walang gagastos."
I took a deep breath and entered the room.
"Hindi ka aalis sa ospital na ito hangga't hindi ka nagagamot."
"Sab."
"I will arrange whatever is needed here, then we'll bring you to Metro Medical."
"Sab, huwag na."
"No, you need medical attention."
"Sab, it's just a waste. I am not getting better."
"I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for my daughter. Dumating ka sa buhay nya, nagpakilala ka then, do everything for her. Do not disappoint her, do not hurt her, do not make her cry. It's your fault you came back, bear the responsibility for your action. Stop taking the first step and backing out after."
I went out after that spiel and take a deep breath. I seated outside to compose myself.
"I do not appreciate the words you used trying to convince Ian but I want to thank you for making him stop saying NO."
She sat beside me while I remained quiet. Kailangang icompose ko muna ang sarili ko oh baka mauna ako kay Ian sa stress!
"For many years now, I was so curious about you."
I listened to her. To Irina's calmer side.
"I am with him for the last 8 years of his life. I was there and never left even for a single day. And for those 8 years, I only hear your name. This is for Sab, Sab will like this, Sab wants this, Sab will love this, Sab, Sab, Sab, Sab."
"Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sayo."
"Iniwan nya ako." I rebutted " Iniwan nya ako nung panahong dapat kasama ko sya, iniwan nya ako nung panahong kailangang kailangan namin sya, iniwan nya ako."
