Enfettered

31

Author's Note: Happy happy new year people! Thank you for not giving up on my story. Sorry po, masyado talaga akong busy fnetong nakakaraan! I cannot promise my dedicated time, but I will do my best to update po! Thank you for your never dying love and support! Love you all!

Sab

"Hon?"

"I'm cooking!"

"What are you cooking?"

"The food that will comfort you."

I smiled at Andrew. How can I not love this man? How can I break his heart?

"Just take a seat, I'll bring you your food."

I take a seat and take a deep breath, isang linggo na akong lutang. Hindi ko alam ano ba ang dapat at di dapat na gawain ko pa. Ian now is having dialysis. My mother made sure he will. Aya's with Mommy and Daddy that they made my daughter Ian's last string of hope. Ako, I continued to live, I go to work, I attended my post-grad studies, and I still do the preparations for our wedding.

After that talk with Mommy, I am not talking to anyone in my family yet. Kahit sino sa kanila, even my sisters. I just don't know how to handle everything anymore.

Gusto ko rin namang maintindihan nilang lahat na hindi lang si Ian ang kawawa, na hindi hero act ang pagtalikod sa akin ni Ian. His silence is no way selfless, it is infact selfish. Napakaselfish nya na lumaban syang mag-isa at hindi nya ako binigyan ng chance na samahan sya, napakaselfish nya na sya ang gumawa ng importanteng desisyon para sa aming tatlo, napakaselfish nya na hinayaan nyang sya lang ang may alam ng katotohanan.

I would never forget how much my heart shattered the day I found he was nowhere to be found. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko pang napapatahan ang sarili ko sa araw-araw na pag-iyak. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagagawang bumangon at humarap sa pamilya ko. I sacrificed even my dream of being an architect to make sure my daughter would have the best of this world because I thought it would be only me. 

Ilang araw nga akong di rin kumain? Ilang beses ding hindi nabili ang gusto? Ilang pagkakataon din ang pinaglagpas ko? Not because I am in a better disposition today, I should be okay, because I am not. And it's okay not to be okay!

"You are frowning again, Honey."

I smiled instantly. Well, I shared everything with Andrew, ayaw ko naman na kahit sa kanya may issue pa din ako.

I sighed.

"Hon?"

"I am sorry Hon, I am sorry I am being like this."

Andrew held my hands.

"Whatever your decisions will be, I, Andrew will always be on your team."

"Are you not afraid I will leave you?"

"Hon, what I am afraid is us being miserable. I want you to be happy okay?"

I hugged him because, at this very moment, everything in my life is chaotic and nothing is certain even Andrew is here with me.

"Why don't you go away for a while, unwind and find your peace?"

"Are you okay if I do that?"

"Of course Hon."

"But the wedding."

"Let's not rush, let's settle our scores then let's find each other again. I'll always love you, Hon."

-

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa dami naman ng pwede mong puntahan ay ako pa naisipan mo."

"Hindi ikaw ang pinuntahan ko, yung lugar nyo."

Kaia rolled her eyes. Ang tagal ko inisip kung saan ako pupunta at hindi ko rin alam kung bakit sa dami naman ng pwede kong puntahan ay kay Kaia pa ako napadpad eh wala naman akong mapapala sa taong ito. Marupok sya as a person at di naman talaga magaling magpayo, magaling lang sya magbuntis at manganak.

"Andami dami mong pera, magbayad ka ha."

"Mas madami kang pera!"

"Ano ka, house wife nga lang ako eh."

My time to roll my eyes. Housewife na branded kahit pambahay! Daig pa neto ang peg ni Jinky Pacquiao at Small Laude!

I sighed.

"Alam mo Sab, hirap ng pinagdadaanan mo."

I rolled my eyes. Kaya nga ako namomroblema eh! Eto talagang si Kaia kulang ng common sense. Mamomroblema ba naman ako kung madali ang pinagdadaanan ko?

"Pero may tanong ako."

I looked at her. "Ano?"

"Would you rather have Ian come back later? I mean, diba? Kung bumalik sya later, kasal ka na kay Andrew, masaya ka na rin siguro sa bago mong pamilya , wala ka na chance mag-isip ng ganito, would you like that?"

I sighed again.

"Hindi ko alam Kaia."

Kaia gracefully sat beside me.

"Kaia, sa paningin ng lahat, tama ang ginawa ni Ian, para sa kanila, hero sya. Pero pano ako? Pano naman ang mga sakit at paghihirap ko? Hindi ba yun valid?"

"Valid, lahat ng feelings natin valid. Kaya lang siguro Sab, iba iba tayo ng tolerance level. Gaya ko, proud marupok ako. Ikaw kasi, hindi."

I took a long deep breath.

"Sab, siguro gagaan ang lahat kung gagawin mo ang gusto mo. Tingin ko kasi masyado mo na nirestrict ang buong buhay mo dahil nagkamali ka. Hindi ganon tumatakbo ang mundo."

"So paano pala ang takbo ng mundo?"

"Pasulong Sab, pasulong.  You need to always move forward, hindi ka pwedeng naiiwan at napapako kung saan ka nasugatan."

I took a deep breath.

"Ganyan din ang Kuya Ben mo before we met, actually even after we get married. He was always stuck in that situation he think was his fault, he cannot be happy simply because he doesn't want to."

"I want to be happy Kaia."

"Just?"

"Just that I don't know what to do."

"I am sorry that I cannot help you either, again, marupok ako. But just some words, that being marupok helped me have the family I never thought I could have. This life that I am enjoying much. Sometimes, our weaknesses become blessings too."

Kaia smiled.

"Osya, enjoy mo ang stay dito, mamaya lang baka kulitin ka na lang ng mga pamangkin mo."

My stay so far has been peaceful with me missing my Aya but she seems not to miss me as I do. But the most important reason why I am here is to know what I really wanted to do with my life going forward.