Eternal Blitz

33. Confession

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐞

I'm being released from the hospital today all the while I'm still trying to work out what happened in my head. What was supposed to be a night ended up being two due to another episode during the night. The doctors decided it'd be best to keep me in case it happened again.

The police came that night after I woke up to get my statement. It was hell going through the events that took place but I know it had to happen. Every little detail was expressed and I couldn't hold myself back when the questions about abuse came up.

He explained it should be an open and shut case. No trial is needed because of her death but I could see the look on Blitz's face when she had to bring up Amber. It wasn't until she explained that I realized what happened to me could have been prevented. The pain and guilt I go through every day should have never happened but it did and no one can change that.

"You ready?" Blitz smiles as she walks into the room with a wheelchair.

No. But I don't say that, I know I'll have to leave one way or another. So, I nod my head and hold onto Blane as he helps me into the chair. My body is sore from the fall I took and both of them insist on smothering me. I don't mind it but I can see Blitz keeping her distance when it comes to touching me. I react to every little touch, whether her fingers graze me or she moves the cover, a flinch or a jerk follows and I hate the pain that creeps in her eyes because of it.

Blane rolls me out with Blitz not far behind. This time, I move into the car despite Blane's refusal. I stare out the window collecting my thoughts. I'm exhausted. After the police left the only thing I could see when I closed my eyes was Fallon, her touch was still there, planted firmly on my skin. Blane stayed with me but it didn't stop the thoughts from running ramped. They were vivid and relentless in their attacks.

The car ride is silent and I can tell both of them are at a loss for words right now. I'm at a loss for words. I'm confused, about what, I don't even know. I don't think everything has fully settled in my brain yet.

We finally make it home and I step out of the car following slowly behind Blane as he walks into the house. The familiar smell of amber wood invades my senses and I stop in my tracks inhaling a deep breath.

"Smells like home."

The heavy patter of feet catches my attention and I look to see Benji running my way. In a split second, I'm on the floor as he jumps happily at my homecoming.

"I think he loves you more than me. I figured he'd be a nice surprise."

I hum, "It feels nice to be loved."

Blitz smiles tightly and walks off leaving Benji to follow behind her closely.

"Hungry."

"Yeah."

The air is thick as Blane cooks. I don't know what to say, what can be said? It's easier to ignore it, it always has been I guess.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay." Avoidance, as always.

"No secrets, talk to me. You can't stew in these things forever," Blane shakes his head and motions me to speak.

"Guilty."

"Why?"

"Why?" A painful laugh escapes and I sweep my hands against my hair pulling at the strands as I'm reminded of my guilt. "I killed someone," I admit. "And a part of me is okay with that but I don't want to be okay with taking someone's life. I can't sleep, her dead body is tattooed in my mind and my own girlfriend can't even console me and I don't know what to do anymore."