Eternal Blitz

18. Family Lies

𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐳

The music blasts as I make my way home. The loud thumping of the bass calming my nerves as all I can think about is the last time, I was home. What used to feel like home but now I'm not sure what to call it. I feel more like a stranger more than anything, but I can't say I didn't expect it. After Kelsey died it just wasn't the same anymore, home was anything but and Kelsey was the glue. Without her, we fell apart.

Not only am I nervous about seeing my parents but I have yet to pick up the letter that was left for me. I figured the best place to do that was where I feel closest to her. I need to feel her, feel like she is there with me and the only place I know to do that is home.

I've been more than anxious and have been ever since I got the call from my dad asking me to come over. It's rare that I get requests to visit none the less by my dad, so this was a huge red flag that there is more to this than just a routine house call.

The house finally comes into view as I pull into the driveway. I gather my courage sitting in the car until I feel well enough to get out. I've never been this freaked out to enter my childhood home but as my hand hits the door, I can't help but panic internally.

"Dad." My voice echo's through the house as I step through the entrance.

"In Kelsey's." I shut the door behind me walking through the house to my sisters' room.

Her door sits cracked open and through the small sliver, I can see my dad sitting on the bed holding the letter rolling it between his hands.

"I forgot to read it." I announce walking in and taking a seat beside him.

Dad nods handing over the letter. I slip my fingers over the white envelope tracing the letters on the front that spell out my name. In some ways, I don't want to read it. I'm not quite ready to let go yet.

"I'll be downstairs when you are done. Take your time."

I hum at him staring down at the envelope. Crawling back onto the bed I push myself into the corner hugging her favorite stuffed animal and tear open the letter. The loud rip that sounds is like the rip in my heart that was made when Kelsey died. Tears well in my eyes as I think about this being the last time I will ever hear from my sister. Every word written will cement its place in my mind and heart reminding me of everything that I have lost.

Pulling out the paper, a single tear drops as I see her handwriting. The pretty cursive with the heart I's and J's because she wanted to put a little love in someone's day whenever they saw the heart. The cute little squiggles as she crosses her T's always reminding me that her words had a life of their own and what's writing without creativity. She would always laugh at me anytime I would go to read it knowing how difficult it was for me to read anything in cursive and as I stare down at the paper, I wish like hell she was here to laugh at me now. Maybe her laughing would prevent the tears from falling, maybe I could laugh with her, and instead of being sad at this moment I could be happy just reading it.

Wiping away the tears not wanting to ruin the paper I begin reading.

Dear Blizzy,

It was never my intention to write this letter, but fate has other plans. Waking up this morning something told me to do this so here I sit at dawn watching you sleep in your bed. You look so peaceful, beautiful and as I look at you I can't imagine not being able to see or talk to you again but for some reason, if that does happen I'm writing this to tell you all I was never able to.

For years I've hated myself for lying to you. I thought I was protecting you and I hope you can forgive me but if I never get the chance to tell you in person then I want you to know now.