Eternal Blitz

29. Remembering

*Trigger Warning: This chapter contains a flashback with mentions of violence and descriptions of abuse. Reader discretion is advised* 

I will signal the beginning and end with ***

Please skip to the end if you cannot handle the content. I've tried not to use excessive detail but this flashback is needed for the progression of this story.

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐞

***

She's been at it for hours, or at least that's what it's beginning to feel like. But I love her, and it's what she wants so how could I say no. This is what love is to her and if I love her I'll let her be, I'll give myself to her. It's not like I could deny her anyways, I love her, and who says no to someone they love; I trust her so I let her do as she pleases.

"You know." Fallon pouts. "It's not as fun when you don't participate."

Her whispers crawl against my skin as she sits on top of me, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck as her legs are spread against either side of my body caging me in-or at least that's what it feels like. At one point her touch was something I looked forward to, what used to be light caresses of my cheeks are now firm grips to keep me in place. Her smile that lit a room the first time I saw her vanished as quickly as it was seen or given. Tight-lipped expressions and sorrowful frowns replaced them to the point of fear anytime I saw them.

"I-I was ner...nervous."

I flinch back bracing myself as I see her eyes darken. The sting comes to no surprise, if anything I should greet it like an old friend. It just means I have more to work on, a mistake won't make love last, it will only destroy it.

"Stop stuttering Blaze. You know what happens so don't do it again."

I nod my head and turn away from her touch. It's foreign now, the way her hands travel my body like she owns every inch of it. Each cold and calculated stroke of her finger stings my skin but I let her.

"I love you." She whispers, "And I do this to show you. Love is about control and discipline and if I don't show you..." Her fingers breeze across my jaw. "No one will."

Once again, I nod my head not able to find the words to speak. Wrong choice, because this time she didn't hold back as her eyes bore into me and the palm of her hand strikes with such force that she pulls back with a loud hiss. "Say it." She shakes out her hand gripping my chin until her nails are digging into my skin. "Now!"

The cool air stings my skin and I finally look at her. "Always answer."

Fallon nods with a smile on her face and kisses my lips. I swallow the bile stuck in my throat and kiss her back. I'd rather not dig myself in deeper, the consequences are enough to be fearful of. I know what will happen, the last time she locked me in a room for days. 'Discipline is key' she said, and only when I learned my lesson could I leave.

"You want to make me happy, right?"

No, I wish I could say but I don't. "Yes."

"Good." She mouths before dragging me off the bed and down the hall.

Panic. 

That's what I call the room I've grown to love and hate. She doesn't use it often but when she does it's usually because I've done something wrong. I deserve it for not listening, not following the rules; that was always her reasoning and I never said otherwise. My panic heightens as the door opens and I take my seat on the edge of the bed.