Eternal Blitz

17. Broken Thoughts

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐳𝐞

Yesterday was one for the books. I've never felt better, but a part of me just won't accept that. Broken thoughts linger like a bad dream and that's exactly what they are. A bad dream formed from tortuous memories.

I was able to connect more with Blitz yesterday. Part of me wanted to be open with her but I stopped myself not pushing it any farther. It's only right to express myself when she laid it all out for me about her doubts and worries. I admire her for that and did my best to reassure her, but it worried me more than anything.

It's always been me I worry about being enough, but it seems that thought was shared. It's been years since I have been with a woman by choice of course but with Blitz, it was hell trying to deny myself the pleasure she wanted to give me.

Yesterday was the most euphoric experience I've ever had. With my ex, it was always a one-sided love and relationship but with Blitz, it was equally distributed. She gave as much as she took, and I loved every second of it. For the first time in a long time sex was more than pain.

I hate that I compare her to my ex, but it just proves to me how wrong she was, and right Blitz is. That small part of me not acknowledging us is proved wrong and even if I can't fully accept it at least I know it. I know that she is better than anyone I have ever met.

After we left the cliffs much to my disappointment Blitz had class again. I can't deny I enjoyed going with her. Just spending time with her was nice even if we were around thousands of people I didn't know.

Despite my enjoyment, each time I let myself drift away from the class my thoughts ran back to Brayden. It wasn't hard to see how natural they looked together. She was comfortable around him and I couldn't help but see more than what she let onto. I don't want to just accuse her of lying but I have a feeling there is more to their relationship that she hasn't told me. He seemed to have a similar mentality when it comes to relationships from what I saw, and it wouldn't surprise me if there was something there, but I will wait for her.

I can't be mad that she isn't telling me the truth when I'm doing the same thing. We are both scared even if we won't admit it but telling her isn't a risk, I'm ready to take. Just like she waits for me I will do the same for her.

"Plans for tonight?" I look up at Blane as he takes a seat at his desk kicking his feet up.

Tonight is my night to oversee the club. Every Thursday is Blane's office day to make sure everything is in line with Heat Wave and I'm left to take over management. It's not ideal but it gives me human interaction even if unwanted and it makes Blane happy in turn making it okay with me.

"Besides working, no."

Blane nods pushing his chair away from the desk. "So, how was yesterday with Blitz? Don't think I didn't hear you two animals going at it through the walls."

My eyes widen and I look away as the flames of embarrassment heat my face. We may have continued our tryst after class. I don't remember being that loud, but I'm not surprised by how tantalizing Blitz is. I'll write this down as payback for every restless night Blane has caused with his ever-revolving door of girls.

"Did you finally make it official?" Blane asks always so curious when it comes to Blitz and me.

I shake my head knowing better than giving even a smidge of hope for more at this moment. "We aren't labeling it. She's not ready and quite frankly neither am I, so we are just getting to know each other while being together in a sense."

"Have you told her about you know who yet?" He knows my answer but wants me to say it. There isn't anyone besides my family who know and I'd like it to stay that way for now.