Kazimir Seasons

/12/

I loved fall, the cool breeze and leaves on the ground made me want to stay locked up in the house.

Two weeks, that's how long it's been since I saw him. Something about his eyes was different from others. His eyes told me he didn't care when he apologized but his voice told me he meant it.

I'll never place what it is about his cold blue eyes. My heart dropped when he kicked me out of his office. The look in his eyes haunts me at night.

He stated into my soul he was calm and reserved as if he couldn't place a reaction. I hated his eyes but I hated winter more.

His eyes were shadows that froze people, his demons hid behind those cold winter blue eyes. What's worse was I found all the elevators in the hospital were changed to 3D images that help with stress and anxiety.

He never came back to work since the day he kicked me out, maybe that's a good thing, he can find someone else to embarrass.

"Stop moving baby," I said looking at Cupcake as I applied a mud mask to her face. It's something we loved doing when he had a stressful week.

I don't know what she deals with in her kindergarten class for her to be that stressed when I see her after work but she is tired.

"Okay pass me the lip gloss," she passes my lipgloss as I apply it on her lips and mine. We only did that to feel cute while we had these masks on.

"What the hell," I hissed when I bit on the bath bomb by accident this causes her to giggle. "You always do that," she said, stepping off the stool.

"And why is that?" I asked her as she threw her hands in the air and shrugged her shoulders. "Get your little bit in the water before I change my mind." I point my fingers at the bathtub.

After throwing the bomb in the bathtub I give it a while before letting her sit in. She was only this spoiled because she was my only kid.

"Nana said that we look like monsters," she said, playing in the water as I sat on the bathroom floor looking at activities for us to do.

"While nana is old and thinks everything is the devil just don't get black nails, she thinks you want to the dark side," I said as I heard her giggle.

I loved my child. I loved hearing her giggles. Her happiness was my most prized possession. Being her mother was the best thing to have happened to me.

Of course, I made some mistakes. I had her at nineteen crazy. the one day you chose to lose your virginity is the same day you get pregnant.

"So there boy at my school," as soon as their words fall out of her mouth I quickly focus my attention on her.

"He's new, not like new but new to our school. His name is Dan and his breath sinks," I can't help the chuckle that escapes my mouth at her words.

"So now you know how it feels to be in my shoes, brush your teeth, and don't be like Dan," I said, looking at her as she looked up at me.

"Yes ma'am I promise to brush my teeth every day," she said, going back to playing in the water.

Mom: What daughter doesn't let her parents see her child?

I rolled my eyes at her dramatic text, I had never been one to be evil and remove someone out of my childhood because of my problems with them.

But as a mother, I will remove someone who I view harmful and toxic to my child's mental safety. Autumn doesn't complain about seeing them so I don't push.

But she does speak to her father's parents often on FaceTime and I don't see his parents complaining about my terms.

Me: she has a tablet, feel free to FaceTime her, these were my terms till I felt comfortable with her visiting and you still can't respect that.

Mom: Respect? You are taking your anger out on us and punishing us by not letting us see our grandchild.

Me: complain about this to your church then.

She took every problem I was dealing with to her church. Never supported me during my pregnancy and she blamed me for the abuse I went through.

I don't need this again. But here we are again I keep telling myself they would change but time after time they haven't. They make everything about their selves.

I rolled my eyes as  I got up and rewashed Cupcake to my liking. Kids lie about dumb things like girl I'm watching you how are you done cleaning yourself in one minute.
I removed her mud mask in the bath as I cleaned myself off in the sink.

"God please give me strength to keep pushing and not lose myself," I spoke softly as I wrapped a towel around Autumn.

"Movie night," she screamed around my room as I heard the doorbell ring. As I head downstairs leaving my daughter to dress up I open the door.
I screamed to the top of my lungs when I saw a tall man in the black with a skeleton ski mask from across the street. I quickly shut my door.

Unknown: what's the matter darling DIDN'T like what you see. I'm very disappointed.

My heart dropped when I saw this text. I quickly throw away my phone as I start praying. I rebuke the devil in God's name.

Unknown:I'm hurt, were you expecting something better?

I scream when I get the text notifications on my watch. This person is crazy.

Me: do idiot I was expecting my pizza
Unknown: your so silly love, it was at your door.

I quickly walk to the kitchen as I grab a knife opening my door. He wasn't lying, it was right at my doorstep. I walk to the garbage bag as I throw the box away.

Unknown: you look so cute holding that knife.

I screamed as I ran back inside.

Me: And you look really ugly with that mask. I'm sure you're hideous under it.

I sigh as my daughter walks in the room. "Sorry cupcake, no pizza tonight." My words hurt her as she started crying walking out the room.

Unknown: You're hurting my feelings Summer I'll never put you at risk. You're going to be punished.

Me: sorry but I have a father.

I texted back as I walk to the kitchen to cook something my daughter would like. Who the fuck was this guy? Like who does shit like this.