In Plain Sight

19. Could Have Been

POV: Sam

~2 weeks later~

I was driving past her house one day and I saw some people moving furniture. My heart started racing thinking maybe she came back. I have been passing by on random days hoping I would catch a glimpse of her. My heart broke every time I didn't see her but I kept putting myself through it again and again.

What have I done to get us here? What she told me about herself and how close to home it hit, got too much for me and now I am well aware that I did not handle it well. That last fight we had was so unnecessary but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The messed up thing was that I had no one to talk to about it, I mean really talk about what happened. Where would I start in explaining anything? The only thing to say, was that we had a fight and broke up. Nothing more, nothing less.

I walked up to the door and knocked. An Asian woman came to answer the door.

"Oh, hi." I was surprised.

"Hello. Can I help you?" She greeted with a smile.

"Uhm...no. I was looking for someone else. She used to live here. So sorry for bothering you." I started to walk away with my disappointment. 

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Sam." I answered with a bit of hesitation.

"Wait here." She said and went inside the house before returning with an envelope and handed it to me.

"The previous owner said if ever you came by I should give you this." She said smiling and motioning for me to take the envelope.

"Thank you." I took the envelope and bid her farewell as I walked back to my car. I drove straight home in silence and my chest feeling like it was being squeezed.

I stood at the kitchen island looking at the envelope waiting for some courage to kick in so that I can open and read it. She just left without warning and without us talking and trying to resolve things. She took the coward's way out and that fuelled my anger towards her. All I got from her is an envelope that I am now too chicken to open because it will confirm that she's gone. My heart and sanity are hanging by thread.

I'm not ready to deal with a broken heart.

After a few minutes I tell myself that it's now or never. Fuck it, let me see what it says and I open the envelope carefully. I sat on the couch and took a deep breath. Here goes everything. 

Dear Sam,

If you are reading this, you have figured out that I left. I am hoping you can forgive me for leaving like this.

We had a great time together and I was hoping for more time. I fell in love with you and it has been the best feeling ever. I loved being loved by you and loving. The truth is, it was never going to end well between us. We come from and live in two very different worlds that operate from different sets of rules. It would have been beautiful to live in our bubble but I always knew it would burst at some point.

Our two worlds did end up colliding and I am afraid it has presented a problem that none of us want or are ready to deal with.

I really wish our relationship could have worked out. I wanted us to have our happiness forever but that is simply not possible. I am who I am, and Sam you are who you are. Who I am and what I do will always be an obstacle for you. I needed to go so you can live your life without me complicating it. I hope you can understand that and move on with your life.

Love, Kelly.

I could hear my heart shattering as my world was collapsing around me. She's gone. Just like that. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and my chest started feeling tight. Emotions took over me and I just let the tears fall. My heart was breaking and I had no one to turn to who would understand why.