In Plain Sight

20. Changes

POV: Kelly

"Sheila, job done. Package delivered. See you soon." I said to her on the phone.

"Awesome. See you soon." She said and we hung up.

I hailed a cab to the hotel and took the elevator to the penthouse. We had a quick debrief and I showered and changed before we went out for lunch.
It's been a few months since I left Sam and while it has been difficult, I have leaned on my work to keep me busy and distracted.

Sheila asked if I wanted to keep tabs on him and I said no, simply because it would just hurt. I left him a letter and I was not even sure if he would get it. I was just hoping he would end up at my house and Linda would hand it over. It sounds silly now that I think about it.

A lot has been happening and I have just been trying to make sense of everything. I have been tempted on many occasions to reach out to him but I talked myself out of it. I avoided it until months went by and I convinced myself that he must have moved on by now and my reaching out will only complicate things.

There's that word again...complicate. That word was said a lot in our arguments and maybe he was right. I said that word to myself often to avoid reaching out to him even if it killed me to be away from him. Was our relationship going to work? Maybe not and deep down I knew we didn't stand a chance but it felt amazing to have hope.

Anyway, it's very complicated now because I am pregnant with his child and he doesn't know.

I cried so much when I found out but thankfully Sheila had been nothing but supportive. She's already designated herself as the godmother and takes her role very seriously. I was really surprised by her reaction but she said she could never be upset about a baby. She really stepped up for me and I appreciate her greatly. This transformed our friendship on a deeper level.

Sheila floated the idea of putting J.R out of commission...for good this time and focus on the baby and life beyond. I'm tempted, immensely. Maybe it is time to put J.R away and just be Kelly. My whole life has been one long survival stretch with only a few pockets of freedom and serenity. I would love to hang up the cape and just freely be myself and enjoy my life. 

"Are you ever going to tell Sam?" She asked and I almost choked on my salad.

"I don't know. Maybe, but what if he has a bad reaction to it?" I asked nervously.

"At first he might but I'm sure he'll come around. He's not going to shun you."

"I'll think about it, okay?" I promised and she nodded.

I was leaving a doctor's appointment when I saw a dad and his son playing and laughing. My heart broke thinking about how I would be denying my baby that feeling. I said I wanted my child to have a better life than I did, I need to make the hard decision so my baby can have that better life.

I decided that maybe it's time I find Sam and tell him that we're going to be parents. How will I even start this conversation with him? I have been procrastinating this moment for so long and I can't do it anymore. I need to take the plunge and tell him.

So here I am, 6 months pregnant, on a flight to tell my ex who I ghosted, that I am carrying his child. I chose to travel alone because it's my business to handle. I had Sheila track Sam and find out about his whereabouts. She told me he has not moved house or changed habits much but has been promoted at work. Sounds like he's doing well. That gave me a little bit of comfort.

I arrived at the hotel early afternoon and the first thing I did was nap. Yes, pregnant tired hits different and a nap was very necessary.
I'm lucky my cravings have not been crazy but my mood has been swinging like a pendulum. It's all good though, it will be worth it when my baby gets here.