The Hotel - H.S.

Prologue

"There has to be some mistake." Zoey's fingers gripped the edges of the seat she was in. After 2 years of fighting this horrible mistake of a disease, how was this possible? She had given 100% of her spirit, effort, drive, energy and hope to her team of doctors. She'd taken the meds, done the procedures, smiled and said the words she didn't believe to help others feel better. She fought. Her picture was probably in the dictionary under the definition of "Trooper." 

Zoey had bitten her lip to the point of blood (figuratively) for years, saving the tears and screams of frustration for when she was alone, she kept her broken spirit and her fear to herself. To a fault, she used her bravest face to fight this battle while everyone that she cared about watched her and wrung their hands.  She hated the attention, and she hated causing so many people so much stress. Almost as much as she hated the chemotherapy and the pain. 

She had gotten through hell, the worst of the worst when it came to experiences, and she had overcome. She fought her ass off, ironically never having even smoked in her life. But her efforts had paid off: her lung cancer was in remission! Or it was...until now. 

The doctor spoke quickly and said so many words. They were whooshing past Zoey's ears and nothing was registering. She heard so much noise, a booming wave of noise that was echoing in her head. It was gibberish, nonsense, as she watched her doctor's mouth move. He used his hands to emphasize points that she was sure were probably important. Zoey looked at his white coat and spiked hair and thought of Beaker from the Muppets. This was equally as effective as communications with him would be. The thought caused a slightly manic laugh to bubble up from within her chest. 

"Ms. Miller, are you hearing me?" Dr. Leagues asked her, pausing his rambling finally to try and catch her attention.

"I am...not, no. I apologize." She admitted, shaking her head quickly and offering a small smile. "Could you please start again? I don't understand what is happening? What my options are? What testing will we do?"

"As I mentioned, we have found a recurrence during your recent CT scans and bloodwork. We have a few options...." he launched into a long winded argument of treatment options, surgeries, survival rates, medications, and statistics as Zoey listened and absorbed. "but I also have a unique recommendation at this point I'd like you to consider. There is a clinical trial that a colleague of mine has going in Chicago. It is a 6 week program with targeted therapies, mostly medicine based, that has shown incredible potential. You are nearly a perfect candidate for this trial. If you're interested in knowing more I can get you all the information about the trial, everything involved and what the process would be." Dr. Leagues explained. 

Zoey took a few moments as he paused and raised his eyes to hers. She knew the statistics, she knew what the tradition treatment paths would be, and she knew what she could take. She took a deep breath and nodded. "I would love to get all the information from you so I can go home and review it. Discuss with my family and make some choices."

She walked out of the hospital an hour later with a thick folder and a huge lump in her throat. She was was dreading hurting her family with this news more than she hated facing it herself. She sat on a conveniently placed bench and let her head fall into her hands. A few tears slipped down her face and she swiped them away, irritated. She had spent the last 2 years placing herself last and trying to fight this fight to save her family's feelings, ignoring her own wants and needs. She walked on eggshells, said the right things, always offered support to her hurting loved ones. She nearly lost herself, only having recently remembered how she loved to live her life. Free, easy, carefree, and trusting her instincts. She barely got that version of Zoey back and now it was all at risk again. 

She stood and shook her head, an idea creeping into her mind as she considered her options and thought about the wellbeing of her people. What if she protected them? Kept this from them until she knew if it was a done-deal? Was it selfish? Absolutely. But it was also so much easier for them. If she went to Chicago, participated in the trial and found out the results before telling them, it would save them so many days and nights of worry and tears. She could offer solid, conclusive diagnoses rather than unsure potential tragedy. 

Her eyebrows softened as she thought about her mother and sisters. She slid into the drivers seat of her car and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. She sighed and buckled her seatbelt, adjusting the mirror back to the road and glancing at the folder that now sat on her passenger seat. She let her mind wander as she considered if this was actually possible....or ethical. As she ran through potential outcomes in her mind, her phone began buzzing in the purse. Raising it to her ear, already knowing who is was, she answered with a fake smile and sad eyes.

"Hi mama, good timing. Just got to my car."

"Babygirl, please tell me how the appointment went? I have been worrying all day. Everything is clear, right? I know you've been feeling good so I'm sure they found nothing...right?" Her mother June rambled. The stressed tone of her voice, the slight panic she knew her mom was fighting to control, made up Zoey's mind for her. Without even realizing what would happen next, Zoey opened her mouth. 

"Yes mama, everything was clear. Still in remission." She lied through her teeth. Her eyes fell closed with sadness, but she was sure of her decision. She needed to do this next part herself, and save her family months of agony on her account. 

She listened to the light, happy laughter bubbling through the phone from her mom, visualizing the stress leaving her body as she celebrated. She was doing the right thing, she decided, and cemented her choice. Tomorrow she would call and get registered for the trial. She would prepare a lie and make plans for a long term trip to Chicago. 

As Zoey ended the call with her mother and began the hour drive home from the cancer hospital, she thought about her future. The uncertainty, the cruel and unfair nature of life, and her own spirit. She decided that this trial would not only be her time to fight, one more time, for her health, but she would also be fighting for her experiences. She was going to make the most of this time, live life to the best of her personal ability, and have as much fun as humanly possible. She decided with a nod that if she was running out of time, she would make every single second of her time count. She would achieve her goals, tick things off her silly bucket list, and try everything she has ever dreamed of risking. 

If she was going to go out, she was going to go out with a bang.