How my life changed

Chapter 12

Hiccup's P.o.v.

Jack slowly looked away from my scars into my eyes. "What happened to you Hiccup?"

I bit my lip and looked down at my hands which still held the controller. I didn't know if I should tell Jack what happened or rather what still happens to me at home. How would he react if I told him everything? He could think I am totally disgusting and perhaps even throw me out and send me home but... No. Jack isn't like that. I don't think he would just kick me out like that. But still.. how would he respond to that... Maybe he cares about me and it would make him worry... And I don't want him to worry about me. I'm not worth it.

"Hiccup, please." Jack took my chin gently and made me look at him. In his beautiful ice-blue eyes were concern, sadness and even a little bit despair visible.

I sighed. "You are sure you want to know what happened to me?"

Jack continued to stare in my eyes and nodded.

"So... I made this scars myself. Hate me for it or not, it's your decision. At one point I just couldn't stand it anymore. Each scar is more ore less a sign of how useless I am. Unable to free myself from my life. Unable to talk to someone about my problems. Unable... to kill me.", I said, staring into Jack's eyes. He seemed to search something in my eyes.

"But... why?", he finally asked softly.

"I..." I sighed. Oh Fuck this shit. "I have an abusive boyfriend. He beats me every day for the smallest things, and sometimes even just because he is bored. I live with him for a couple of years now and even if I thought it would get better, it was getting worse every single day. You sure think: why didn't you leave him them? Why didn't you run away? Easy. I have no place where I could run to. And yes, I'm gay. and yes he... He also raped me several times. Hate me for it, throw me out, call me a dirty fagot, that's your business." I sighed. "But please tell this no one. I'm only able to be here because he had a job over the weekend and therefore he let me alone. If he would find out that I'm here, he would kill you and beat me half to death. But even only half because he prefers to torture me than finally let me die. For me there is no way out... but... the reason I kept being away from you, and tried to ignore you... I didn't want to bring you in any danger, Jack. I really like you. Very, Very much. Even if you will never like me this way. At least I finally get to tell you about this... Even if I know that no one else will never want me after Pitch... I'm just a broken thing, used. Like a doll from a kid which it has torn the head of and broke the rest... I'm not worth anything. I'm not even worth the air that I breathe."

"Hiccup..."

"What? Do you hate me now? Do you understand now why almost everyone in school makes fun of me? Will you now laugh about me too? If you do that... then at least do me the favor and help me to kill myself completely, because I can't do it alone."

"Hiccup I would never...", Jack said softly and let his hand wander from my chin to my cheek and caressed my cheek softly. I could feel how a few tears ran over my cheek and Jack wiped a few of them away with his thumb.

"I know you just say that and I know you wouldn't say what you really think about me. In reality, you think just like everyone else. You think that I'm just a piece of trash.", I said and took the hand away from my cheek and got up. "You're just like everyone else...", I said quietly and turned around to leave. I could feel my heart began to break up into thousands of small pieces and I fought so hard that I don't tear up and start to cry like a little child that has lost his mother. When I just had arrived at the door Jack grabbed me by my hand and stopped me. I knew he was just trying to look good in front of me. To act as if he wasn't heartless even if he actually thought that I'm trash.