Dark Femme (BWWM)

Chapter fourteen

Thaddeus Spade

the dam I built was brought down and all my feelings of security And courage was washed away when Eric said,
"They found her body at a beach in Hawaii, charred to a crisp." Eric tells me over the phone.

I felt an awful pain in my chest.

"How did they know it was her? Did they check the dental records?" I asked feeling myself breaking inch by inch.

I didn't even hear what he said next, the thought of my mother faking her death to get me off her trail.

Did she really think of believe this shit?
This was fake your own death 101.

She must still think I'm 15 taking in her every word eagerly.

"You don't believe it's her?" Eric questioned, confused and ultimately broken.

"It's all too convenient, don't you think? We close in on her house in California and all of a sudden she's dead in Hawaii. It's so obviously a ploy. I want her dental records checked, I want a record of everything and I mean everything, the temperature it was when she was found, the last thing she ate, everything."

I hang up before Eric can say anything, I take a deep breath and rub my eyes.

I'm not a boy anymore mother, I may not be as wise as you but I'm just as persistent and I will chase you to the ends of the earth so you can pay for your sins.

Alexi joins me a little later on. His signature frown is planted on his face and he waved his hand infront of it.

I grab the glass of honey colored whiskey and brought it to my lips.

I was getting trashed, stuck here in my office.
Too ashamed to take my array of overwhelming emotions outside the thick walls around me, outside where people needed me.

"I don't think you should have any more sir.." Alexi tells me putting his hand between the glass I was preparing to pour my drink in.

"Take your hand off." The slur in my voice makes it to my own ears and so does the shame.

The shame of having to be protected from my own self destructive behavior.

"Take your hand off." I repeated and when he doesn't I growled and pulled the glass away, splattering the remaining liquid over my desk.

"Look at what you've done.." the accusation comes out more like a whine, than a roar of unbridled anger like it was intended. My hand whips back and then connects with his face with such speed and force.

Alexi's pale cheek turns bright red with a long cut across his cheek from my father's ring... my ring now.

I freeze and then I felt the crushing weight of remorse.

Just as I don't find any particular joy in hurting people, I don't often find myself remorseful.

But Alexi wasn't just anyone, he was my friend... my brother.

"I shouldn't have." It's the closest to 'I'm sorry' I've ever said to Alexi.
"It's alright." He tells me and I felt my heart squeeze.

I remembered my father and I having this exact conversation after he beat me for scratching one of his sports cars just to find out it wasn't me.

He hadn't said sorry after, he just told me he shouldn't have hit me and I told him it was alright.

But it wasn't alright, At the time I felt like nothing would ever be alright again.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong to hit you." I tell him tucking my head down, too ashamed to look him in the eyes to see that tear in his skin I'd left with my assault.