Dark Femme (BWWM)

Chapter Twenty five

Anita stone
Two months later

The face I see in the mirror isn't my own.
It isn't a product of heavy makeup, it's now a permanent fixture.

I stop and stare at my own face now when I pass by my reflection.
I lift my eyebrows and examine my eyes to ensure they're the same that I'm still me.

I lift my hand up to my nose, the round nose I'd gotten from my grandmother is narrower now, Thaddeus says my nose was destroyed and the surgeon did what he could with what was left of it.

My face is slimmer from my jaw being wired shut leaving me only capable of eating liquid foods.

Recovery was difficult, but thankfully I was only conscious for some of it because of the concussion.

Cheryl tells me I should feel lucky that I can see, because when she saw me in the hospital the next day my eyes were huge and swollen shut.

I let my hand trace my lips, they were at least the same size but their shape has changed because of the stitches to close my torn lip.

I felt strong arms around my waist, I shiver from the contact but accept it.
Thaddeus places a kiss on the side of my head. These days his touches inspire nothing but warmth and comfort.

"You're up early." He says, voice husky from sleep.
"How're you feeling?" He asked gently turning me towards him.

Some days are better than others. Some days I can barely get out of bed much less bathe myself and dress for the day, today was a good day.

"I'm okay."

He lifts my head up so our eyes could meet, the same gesture he does everyday to ensure I was telling the truth.

"Should we head down to breakfast?" He asked and I shake my head.
"I'm not hungry." A loss of appetite is a symptom of many of the medications I have to take.

"You have to try, doll." He insists voice turning soft and I lean my body towards him, begging for his embrace.
His arms wrap around me, here I feel safe.

"I don't recognize myself." I've been holding it in for so long, this new distrust I have for my reflection.
Thaddeus's arms around me hold me tighter.

"I see you doll." He tells me, pressing a kiss into my hair. I pull apart and ask him.
"When am I going to see myself?"

He just brings a hand to my jaw and gently strokes my skin with his thumb.

He doesn't know what to say, I can see it in his eyes.

I can see him trying to fight through the avalanche of guilt that catches in his throat everytime he catches me staring at myself.

I've seen the photos of my face before the surgery, I know it had to be done, I know he did the right thing.
I just wish I could see myself.

"I'm sorry." He says because there's nothing else to be said.
I placed my hand on his chest, Silently telling him that I didn't blame him.

The person, no people I blamed were still out there.
The Kozlovs, the family who disappeared like cowards after their vicious attack.

I can't bare to eat food on the same table I ate with them so Thaddeus and I share our meals in his office, hidden behind a locked door overlooking large windows that remind me there's more outside.

The room is filled with the gentle strumming of string instruments to cover for the many moments of silence between us now.

"I was thinking... we should go on a date."