"The normal world has no room for exceptions and always quietly eliminates foreign objects. Anyone who is lacking is disposed of.
So that's why I need to be cured. Unless I'm cured, normal people will expurgate me".
By- Sayaka Murata, Convenience St...
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"Baby, open the door, please". She can hear the raw desperation in his voice and how hoarse it is now after asking her to do the same thing for hours now, "You haven't eaten anything. I know you are scared but just come out. Come to me".
Her heart was ready to combust from all the pleading he had done in hours. He had stayed behind the door, respecting her privacy, and not entering inside even when the door was unlocked. He had asked her to come out and didn't mention any of her insecurities until now.
The cold was sweeping into her body for hours now. The bathroom was all tile and while she sits there, it had caused her body to be sore and ache. With the cramps as crazy as hers, she was crying through them. She had her hand over her stomach trying to soothe some of the pain and the only reason she was holding on was because of his presence and voice that was coaxing her.
The fear was growing by the second. She was terrified. She never had a soul in the years she spent in this country to know about her condition. The industry she works in thrives on perfection. The worst part was that it wasn't just the industry placing unrealistic expectations, it was the society. She had heard enough since she was born and all those words, eyes and looks are imprinted in her soul by now.
She knows how people react when they see her. The disgust is the instant reaction. Then, their words pierce through her soul. In her early years, she never understood it. Why didn't children play with her? Why did no one speak to her? Why do people look at her funny?
She realized it when she was four years old. The realization was instant when her family made sure to remind her everyday. Her young mind tried her best to please everyone until she got too tired of doing so.
Until, she made decisions in her hands and ruined herself.
How is she ever going to share the details with him? How can she afford the looks and words from him? How will she manage without him?
"....please". His voice manages to break through her dark thoughts yet again
She took a deep breath, preparing her heart to be broken soon. Preparing herself to be cursed at. If it is meant to happen there is no way she can hide forever. Better to get it over with.
She stood in front of the mirror, her eyes red, her hair sticking to her from the sweat she had from her panic attacks. Her face had few angry red marks where she had tried to get rid of the marks on her. Her finger had blood on it from the way she had tried to scarp her skin.
Yet, in all the chaos, in all the self loathing, every time she hurt herself, the only thing that pulled her out was his voice. He hadn't stopped talking once since she ran inside. It was like he knew that's all he could do right now and he was desperate to be around her in any way. His words wer gentle and she was shocked at how much he spoke to her. He never speaks more than a few sentences. His silence was something she comes in terms with. It's comforting now.
