Isla Davis
He pulls me closer by my waist so there's no space between us as we keep kissing each other. I can feel his hardness on my stomach and it turns me on, I hate to admit the things he makes me feel but that's probably because I haven't had this type of relationship with anyone in a long time and he was my first everything anyway.
That still doesn't make it right Isla my subconscious tells me and I know she's right.
"You're breathtaking I hope you know that" He tells me. I am?
"I know" I say instead as I rake my hands down his body, touching him as I keep the eye contact, his eyes filled with lust. He wants me so badly that it makes my pussy throb, unfortunately.
Without thinking more into it I kiss him again and he kisses me back immediately, I ask for access on his mouth and he gladly opens it for me, giving me access as our tongues massage one another.
His hands were on my waist too as I kept yelling no.
He kissed me without my permission and forced his access on my mouth.
He undressed me without my permission.
Why are flashbacks from the night I was raped coming back right now? Is this gonna come back everytime I have something sexual with someone?
I pull back immediately from Abel, my eyes full of tears. I feel so fucking weak.
"What happend? What's wrong Isla?" He asks me as he holds my arms making me look at him.
"Did I do something wrong? I'm so sorry if you feel uncomfortable-" He begins but I stop him. He is being too kind, more than I deserve.
"N- no It's not your fault" I say to him as I run to the bathroom.
I lock the door and sob in the bathroom.
What did I do to deserve this life? I say to myself.
Why me?
"Isla open the door please" Abel softly knocks on the door. He is being too nice to me, why?
I'm so damaged to even talk to him about the past, I'm too damaged to fix a relationship or even begin one. I'm too damaged for anything at this point. I'm broken, my dad successfully fully broke me and I can't seem to stop the damage, I can't seem to put myself back together anymore and the facade I put on everyday to hide from the world is slowly fading and I hate how weak I'm becoming. This isn't the person I aspire to be, this isn't the person young Isla wanted to be. I wanted to be independent, I always wanted to be independent, not this.
"Isla? Are you okay?" Abel calls from the other side of the door. I forgot he was there.
"I'm okay" I yell back at him. I wanna ask him for help so badly but I wont. That's not what Isla does.
"Can you open the door please, if you don't mind?" He asks me again.
I know what I'm about to do is wrong but I really need comfort right now. So I do the thing I would never do and open the door.
"Isla I'm-" He begins and I just hug him. He is caught off guard by the action because he stops talking and takes a step back then he just buries his head on my neck and hugs me tight, like his whole life depends in this simple hug.
"What's wrong Isla?" He asks me and I just shake my head.
"Do you want to talk about it? I can see that there's something wrong, something's bothering you and it's killing me to see you like this" He tells me.
"I'm not ready to talk about it yet" I softly say against his chest as he nods and kisses my head.
We are being too close, this is so wrong and it needs to stop.
I pull away from him immediately and he looks at me like I just stabbed him in the heart, he looks sad. What's his matter?
"I have to go" I tell him as I leave the bathroom before he can add anything or stop me.
"Where are we going?" Minne asks me.
"I really need the drugs Minne" I say as we make our way outside and I dial my drug dealer's number.
"Fuck, you're shaking girl" She tells me. I know and I wish it was from the cold, I wish it fucking was from the cold.
"I'm well aware of that and that's why we need those drugs right now" I say as we get in the car and drive to my drug dealer's house.
"Do you have enough money to pay?" She asks me.
"I have some left overs" I say. I always save money for the drugs.
"Why are you doing this to yourself Isla? Can't you just save those money for rehab?" She asks.
"Please, let's not have this topic again. I'm not in the fucking mood to get pissed off Minne" I snap at her. Fuck, I'm getting angry.
"Get a smaller amount then, you haven't had in days so you will overdose if you get a bigger amount" She tells me.
"I know" I simply add wanting this conversation to end before I lose my only best friend by being angry because I have no fucking drugs.
I hate this addiction but once you get into selfharming and drugs there is no end to it because it always begins eventually no matter how long you stop, you go back to it. You go back to that addiction crawling and it fucks up with your mind, I'm well aware of everything but I just don't feel like living so I couldn't give two fucks about my life being at risk or something, there is no reason to it.
If it was up to me? I would've off myself right now but I can't leave Minne alone.
Fuck my fucking life.
( ᴗ͈ᆺᴗ͈ )つ━☆ ･*。
⊂ ノ ･°
しㅡＪ °。+ * 。
. ･°
° ｡ﾟ ﾟ･｡･ﾟ ﾟ。
