Isla Davis
I make my way back to Minne's place feeling so pathetic, betrayed and heartbroken because what did I do to deserve all this like all I do is love people and it seems to backfire on me all the time, it's like everyone is out to get me and everyone's intention with me is to just screw me over and hurt my feelings, I can't even trust my own shadow anymore.
"How was it?" Minne asks.
"I saw him at the park, we spoke"
"Were you smoking again?" She asks and I can feel the disappointment in her voice, at first I want to lie because I don't want her to be disappointed in me but fuck it, I don't care how other view me at this point. I'm a wreck.
"Yes"
"You relapsed?"
"What was I supposed to do Minne? I'm heartbroken to my very core and with everything that has been going, I tried to heal and not deal with it in an unhealthy way because I didn't want that but when this also happend, I don't know what else to do"
"So you think ruining yourself will make it better for you?"
"I'm already ruined Minne, what's there to fix?"
"So what? You're just gonna let him break you again like he did in high school? You're always gonna let him do it to you" Yes.
"I don't know how to not love him Minne, I only know how to love him. I know I shouldn't because he did me dirty multiple times and proved me why I shouldn't love him but it feels like it's not under my control, I can't control my own feelings anymore"
"Yes you can, did you get back to him again?"
"No"
"Not yet, you mean"
"What am I supposed to do Minne? I love him so much, I love him more than my own well being, I love him so much that I'm okay with ruining myself to fix us, I'm pathetic and broken and it felt like he was the only one who got me"
"But he didn't, he just used you to go behind your back again, and you trusted him again. God you're so naive Isla it's annoying"
Her words bring back unwanted memories from my childhood as I have always been told that I was naive and stupid, I was never praised for the pure heart I have that holds so much love into it even after it's broken and I'm so sick of it.
"You were supporting me when I got back to him"
"Yes because I didn't know he would pull this"
"Neither did I Minne, how was I supposed to know?"
"You didn't notice anything strange in his behaviour? Don't be ridiculous you would have to notice something off about him"
"But did you? Did you also notice it with your abusive ex? Did you know that he would turn out that way? You out of all people can get me in this topic because you know how men can switch so don't come at me" I know I shouldn't have mentioned her abusive ex but she should understand out of all people how it feels to be betrayed by the one you love.
"My case was different and it was actually worse so don't go there"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories and we don't have to compare pain just because you believe you've had it worse than me"
"Believe? I know"
"Minne, I'm sorry that it happend to you with the files, you think that if I knew earlier I would allow this? I would never go back to him if I knew that this was the case and I would never allow it, just like I did now. I fucking got rid of those files and rid of him. I fucking saved our asses and you're here telling me this?"
"You didn't save my ass, it's your fault the files happend in the first place"
"Oh was it now? Because as I recall from what Abel said if it weren't for me and him somebody else would have the case and we would both be fucked because they were after you, me, Lola and Tyler"
"And yet the names in the case were only the both of us and you still believe anything that comes out of his mouth"
"That's true and that's what's bothering me Minne, you're acting like I wanted for this to happen. What has gotten into you?"
"You're right, I'm sorry. It's very difficult for you with everything and you were there for me when I was getting abused while you were too and never told me about it and for that I owe you a lot"
"You don't owe me anything, I didn't do that to get paid back, I did it out of the love I have for you as my best friend since forever and because I care for you so never mention it again"
"I'm very sorry Isla, I just want what's best for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this" She says as she hugs me tightly and I feel like crying again. This is just lovely.
"I know, thank you" It's all I can say for now.
I really need to go get some rest, although I know I wont be able to because no matter how much I hate it, I can't stop myself from loving him and I told him I would think about all this so I owe him that, but if I don't see him putting effort on getting me back then I don't see why I should put effort on doubting all this. If he loves me and he is genuine about it, he will prove it to me one way or another.
I go to my room and lay down in bed and just stare at the ceiling because I will never understand what I did to deserve all this.
( ᴗ͈ᆺᴗ͈ )つ━☆ ･*。
⊂ ノ ･°
しㅡＪ °。+ * 。
. ･°
° ｡ﾟ ﾟ･｡･ﾟ ﾟ。
A/N:
*sobs*
