New Friends, New Family, New Forever

Mrs. Bing: Part 1

{A/N: Skipping to 'TOW Mrs. Bing' since I don't see Sarah's presence having any significant changes in the other episode}

Monica and Phoebe are telling us how they accidentally got a man to be hit by a car and fell into a coma whom they will be visiting daily.

Ross: "I don't get it. You guys don't even know this guy."

Chandler: "Yeah. Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?"

Monica: "He doesn't know anyone."

Phoebe: "Yeah, we feel kinda responsible."

Then, Rachel turns the TV over to 'Jay Leno' for the interview my and Chandler's mother is doing. I love my mother, don't get me wrong, but she tends to be a little overbearing, self-absorbed, and void of boundaries.

Jay Leno: "Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one."

Chandler: "Y'know, we don't have to watch this. 'Weekend at Bernie's' is on is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax."

Rachel: "No way, forget it."

Joey: "Come on, she's yours and Sarah's mom."

Me: "Exactly. 'Weekend at Bernie's'! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?"

Rachel: "Guys, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!"

Chandler: "Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're 11 years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'"

Ross: "C'mon, I love your mom. I think she's a blast."

Me: "You can say that because she's not your mom."

Rachel walks to open the front door, greeting Paolo with a kiss.

Ross: "When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?"

Monica: "Last night."

Ross: "Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? Just a dream I had. But, phew."

Phoebe: "Hey, hey, hey, she's on."

Paolo: "Ah, Nora Bing!"

Jay Leno: "Now what is this about you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?"

Phoebe: "Your mom was arrested?"

Chandler: "Shh, shh. We're busy beaming with pride."

Mom: "This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man, I just get this craving for Kung Pao Chicken."

Chandler: "That's too much information!"

Mom: "Needless to say, he got a big tip."

Rachel: "Oh my God, I love her!"

Me: "I think I'm having a stroke."

Jay Leno: "Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?"

Mom: "Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate. But I get to see my twin son and daughter, who I love."

All: "Aww!"

Chandler: "And this is the way that we find out. Most moms use the phone."

Jay Leno: "Y'know, don't take this wrong, I just don't see you as a mom, somehow. I don't mean that bad."

Mom: "Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms, and my daughter her first-"

I immediately grab the remote to shut off the TV, catching everyone else's attention.

Me: "And then they burst into flames."

{Time skip}

The next evening, Mom invited Chandler and me to bring our friends to meet her at a Mexican restaurant.

Mom: "I am famished. What do I want?"

Chandler: "Please, God, don't let it be Kung Pao Chicken."

Mom: *hugs Chandler & I* "Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?"

Me: "Well, we think you need to come out of your shell just a little."

Ross walks up to our table.

Ross: "What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place."

Mom: *hugs Ross* "Oh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. I heard about the divorce. Lesbian, huh?"

Ross: "Yeah."

Mom: "Well, you know what they say: be careful what you wish for."

Everyone stares at her shocked.

Mom: "Well, I think we're ready for some tequila."

Chandler: "I know I am."

Me: "Same here."

Mom: "Who's doing shots?"

Monica: "I am."

Phoebe: "I'm in."

Mom: "Ross?"

Ross: "Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kind of guy."

Rachel walks up to the table alongside Paolo.

Rachel: "Hi! Sorry we're late, we kinda just, y'know, lost track of time."

Ross: "But a man can change."

TO BE CONTINUED