New Friends, New Family, New Forever

The Fake Monica: Part 2

Sarah's POV:

Joey: "I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!"

Chandler: "I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?"

Ross: "I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg."

Joey: "Isn't there any way you can keep him?"

Ross: "No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo."

Joey: "How do you get a monkey in a zoo?"

Chandler: "I know that one! No, that's popes into a Volkswagen."

Ross: "Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, you know, like, uh, San Diego. But that might just be a pipe dream, because, you know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility."

Chandler: "Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo."

Then, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe rush in with excited grins.

Phoebe: "Hey. We found her, we found the girl."

Joey: "Did you call the cops?"

Rachel: "Nope. We took her to lunch."

Me: "Ah, your own brand of vigilante justice."

Ross: "What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer."

Monica: "You know what? After you're with this woman for like 10 minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person with this amazing spirit."

Ross: "Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader."

Chandler: "Take off their hats!"

Phoebe: "Popes into a Volkswagen."

Chandler: "Mm-hmm!"

Phoebe: "I love that joke."

{Time skip}

I decided to tell Joey the truth about the 'Joseph Stalin' thing, so we're back to square one regarding stage names. As for Ross, he and Marcel were rejected by the Scranton Zoo, but he asked me to join him for a meeting with a local zookeeper.

Dr. Baldhara: "Who are you, ma'am?"

Me: "Sarah Bing, Attorney at Law. I am Mr. Geller's legal counsel, and I'm here if anything legally unjust breeches your conversation with my client."

Ross: "So, where exactly is your zoo?"

Dr. Baldhara: "Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel? Does he, uh, fight with other animals?"

Ross: "No-no, he's very docile."

Dr. Baldhara: "Even if he were... cornered?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Ross raises a hand for me to hold off on going full 'lawyer mode' on this guy.

Ross: *to Dr. Baldhara* "Well I, I don't know. Why?"

Dr. Baldhara: "Uh, how is he at handling small objects?"

Ross: "He can hold a banana, if that's what you mean."

Dr. Baldhara: "How about a hammer, or a small blade?"

Ross: "Why would he need a blade?"

Dr. Baldhara: "Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel."

Me: "Sir, what you're implying is considered cruelty toward animals, and my client nor I will stand for it when it comes to Marcel. I'm afraid this isn't going to.-"

Saved by the bell, Chandler and Joey rush into the cafe with Marcel.

Chandler & Joey: "He got into San Diego."

Ross: "Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!"

Dr. Baldhara: "You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you 20% of the gains."

I move to stand in between Ross and Dr. Baldhara with a cold glare.

Me: "Sir, I'll have to ask you to step away from my client, or you'll have a hell of a lawsuit."

Dr. Baldhara's eyes widen as he quickly vacates the premises.

Joey: *smirks* "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

Me: "Not to worry, Joseph, I'm much kinder to my clients, especially the famous ones."

{Time skip}

So, Fake Monica got arrested, she and Real Monica ended their friendship on good terms, and we're all gathered at the airport to say goodbye to Marcel.

Phoebe: "Ok. Good-bye, little monkey guy. All right, I wrote you a poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane."

Ross: "Aw, thank you, Aunt Phoebe."

Chandler: "Ok, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn."

Me: "It's been an honor, Monkey Man. Here's my card. Call me if the San Diego lawyers are crap, which they are."

Ross chuckles as he accepts my card on Marcel's behalf.

Joey: "I don't know what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey."

Ross: "Just say what you feel."

Joey: "Marcel, I'm hungry."

Ross: "That was good."

I gently lead Joey away as Rachel approaches Marcel and hands Marcel a teddy bear.

Rachel: "Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, you know, something to, um, do on the plane."

Ross: "Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him."

We walk to the other side of the room as Ross has a heart-to-heart with Marcel. Once their conversation's over, Marcel begins limping Ross' leg, so he asks the animal handler to place him in his cage, and just like that, Marcel's off to San Diego.

End of Episode 8