Shameful | Congressman!Kylo x Reader

Chapter 40: Carnation Pink

Sorry this took so long. This is a very visceral chapter lol. Writing it made me feel yucky, but i hope reading it doesn't do the same for you.

We've crossed the 100k milestone, something i never envisioned getting anywhere close to, so please accept this yucky, emotional, intense, bright-red chapter as a token of my appreciation <3

Mitski's entire discography can be blamed for this mess

—

"Wipe your phones. We might be getting subpoenaed."

And so it begins.

My unabridged timeline with Kylo has always been neatly stacked up, color-coded, alphabetized, sitting primly on pre-assigned shelves (dusted and polished on weekends), but at this moment, the months that have felt like years (and simultaneously like days) start to collapse in on themselves. All at once they fold and crumple, blurring into one enormous, unidentifiable mass. I can't tell the moments apart anymore.

And all I'm left with is the right now, and the right now barges in so impetuously, so crudely, finishing the job of dismantling everything before it, taking up as much space as it possibly can until it swells up and slips into every crevice of my memory.

So as the undue ascendancy of the right now begins to bear down, I freeze in my spot. Unable to move my head (rendered too heavy and too light at the same time), I take note that Ushar's the only other person here. Sole witness to the condemnation of pretty much everything I hold dear. My relationships (plural: my love for Kylo is strong enough that friendship and romance exist jointly, but nestled within their own domains), my career, and my proverbial byline. Chief of Staff no more.

My ears start to pick up on something awful: sustained chants for resignation booming right outside our door. All that's missing is pitchforks. The mass of protesters seems to scuff against the wall of the hallway. I assume they're making room for some innocent staffer to pass by.

And as I zoom back into the right now unfolding within the office, I can feel Kylo behind me. Some nagging feeling scratching at the back of my neck indicates it. He must be frozen, too. But I can't bear to turn around and watch. If I catch a glimpse of him, I fear that right now will also vanish, and the whole world will go dark.

Now, the onset of the symptoms of pure, abject fear begins to take hold. The physical ones, at least – my mind's gone blank.

That prickly-hot, full feeling begins to build around my jaw. Hot saliva starts to pool beneath my tongue. It feels like acid; it's agony. Then more prickling, more stinging, more burning, more saliva. That stinging travels up the back of my neck and bores into the top of my skull.

And that miserable, empty-yet-heavy, abrupt sinking feeling in my stomach. Enough to make me almost double over in discomfort, but I really, truly don't think I'm able to move right now.

Then more burning, stinging, prickling just fucking throttling me, tip-to-toe.

Next goes my vision – everything's got a dark, scratchy outline around it like a comic strip. Perhaps my more primal instincts have kicked in, enhancing my sense of sight to give me a better chance to flee.

But alas, the once deep colors of the office are washed in red. Everything's red – dark red – sanguine, sour, slippery, indistinguishable.

Maybe someone's calling out to me, maybe Ushar and Kylo are actively addressing me at this moment, maybe not, but I can't close my mouth. I can't open it more, either. I'm just stuck with this uncomfortable, incredulous half-smile, breathing manually with saliva still pooling, and my jaw locked so tight that I don't think I'll ever be able to use it again.