Rêveries

Chapter 4.

Jules was 11 years older than me. He was born in Nice, where my parents lived before me. They had moved to Monaco when he was five to be closer to Pascale and Hervé, to make Lorenzo and Jules closer and let them grow up together. He was the third person to meet me in the hospital after I was born. Him and Lorenzo were brought in together to meet their new siblings. Jules had always wanted a little sister. He came into the room and had already decided that he loved me. He loved me more than anything before he even met me. I think he set the standard for people in my life already back then.

He got to hold me the first day and he said he didn't want to put me down, but he was so scared while holding me because he was afraid of hurting me. Jules was the proudest big brother ever. He would have made a beautiful dad, husband, brother and everything like that. He was the greatest godfather to Charles, who he treated like his brother.

Jules had been racing for years by the time I was born. He started when he was three and a half, since our dad and grandpa both raced as well. Lorenzo did too but he didn't stay in the sport. Jules was good and for all my life he's been gone most weekends to race so that's all I've ever known with him.

While he was home, however, he would spend time with me. He insisted on reading for me when it was bedtime. He taught me to read, write, walk, speak... you name it. He always helped people. He helped Charles while karting, helped him get better and helped him with the kart. When Lorenzo quit, it became his and Charles' thing. They did it all together. Arthur got the interest much later, so it was Lorenzo who helped him get started.

But when Jules wasn't karting, he was home with me. He walked me to school, picked me up from school, took me to get ice cream and he took me karting. He would hope that I would get interested too. However, I didn't. So he took me to my dance practices and came to my competition shows.

When I was younger, this was nothing bad. I loved my brother and I adored him. He would disappear more and more but whenever I got time with him I would love every second. When I became older, I became more stubborn and angry with everything. I started becoming a moody teen and I pushed everyone away. Except for Jules.

I probably couldn't push him away if I tried, but I never wanted to. Even when I was twelve or thirteen and could be spending time with friends... if I came home and saw Jules' bags in the hall, all other plans were on hold because I was going to spend time with him.

We'd play games, we'd watch movies, we'd hang out with Charles, Arthur and Lorenzo. He asked me about the latest gossip around town and I told him even though I knew he didn't care. He just wanted me to feel like he was interested in my life even though nothing was happening in it.

Jules was an amazing driver, no one missed his talent. He was always treated with respect and we saw that and I admired the fact that he was so humble still.

In 2011, he signed into Formula 1 as a reserve driver for Ferrari, and he had a dream of racing with them in the future. We had no doubt he would. In 2012 he was a reserve driver for Force India. But in 2013 he got his own seat. He was driving for Marussia and he was so excited when he called to tell us. I pretended to be happy for him because I just knew that he would be home maybe twice a year after that. But now he had the money to fly me out to watch him race every time I was free to go.

I met his teammate; Max Chilton, the other drivers, and some of the team principals. Jules introduced me proudly.

"This is my sister Céline, flew her out from Monaco," he'd say to everyone we met. I'd smile and hold my hand out to shake the hand of whoever we met. He included me in everything he did, let me try his reaction exercises, and he took me on the track walks and whatever else he did.

He had a friend on the paddock, Daniel, who was with us a lot too. They had met when Daniel first moved to Europe and they were good friends since then, before Jules even signed with his manager, Nicolas, and now they were both in Formula 1. They were pretty much best friends, since Lorenzo couldn't be there. Daniel had been in Formula 1 for two years at that point and was racing for Toro Rosso. Daniel was really funny, he always smiled the widest and laughed the loudest and his goal was to make everyone around him do the same. I always did when we were with him.

Once during qualifying, Daniel was eliminated before Jules so he just got out of his car and went to sit next to me in the garage. I sat there with all the mechanics and I got to wear the headphones while watching a screen. He sat down and watched it with me while making jokes about Jules and I laughed harder than I ever have.

Another driver I always liked was Sebastian Vettel. The first time I met him, he said I looked like I hated being there. He told me to turn my frown upside down and every time he saw me after that he would smile widely at me as a way to tell me to do the same. He was always one to laugh a lot and he always stood up for what he believed in. Sometimes I sat with them during driver's briefings and he always made me laugh, made faces or said things. He let me call him Seb and he won the title that year, like the three years prior.

Seb spent a lot of time with Lewis Hamilton. He was like Seb, very funny but he stood up for himself and his beliefs. I looked up to them a lot. If Jules had to do something, he always asked Seb or Lewis to stay with me because he didn't trust Daniel alone with me. He didn't know what Daniel would tell me about them off-track. He thought I'd be more likely to do something like meditate if he left me with Lewis or Seb, but I think all they did was bring me around the track, using me to be allowed in the other garages because they were giving me a "tour."

People sometimes said that Jules could be the next Fernano Alonso, and when I saw him I had no doubt that it would happen. They had a great relationship and Fernando helped him a lot just like Jules would help Charles. Fernando was hilarious as well, he would joke around with me, he would tease me, ask me about embarrassing stories of Jules. I always liked him.

Sometimes Charles and Arthur were there too, but most weekends they had their own races. Either way, I loved going to the paddock. I loved spending time with Jules and I loved seeing him do what he loved around people that respected him.

Jules raced in Monaco in 2014 in such a way that had everyone's jaws on the floor. It was extraordinary. He only ended up in P9, he got points, but it was the way he was driving that had everyone so impressed by him. He definitely made Ferrari open their eyes a bit that day. We were there, all of us. Charles, Arthur, Lorenzo and I went with our parents and we watched him from the box in his garage.

During the 2014 summer break, he came home for the whole month. We picked him up at the airport and I was the first to hug him. I even pushed Charles to hug him first. Every morning, Jules came in with a cup of tea or a glass of juice to wake me up. He didn't do it kindly either. He would jump on top of me or he would rip my blanket off of me. He made me get up and go on walks or hikes with him and the others.

I hated it.

But I went anyway because I didn't want to waste a single minute that I got to spend with him. So I went and then he had to carry me into the house after.

We celebrated his 25th birthday together. We had a BBQ in the backyard and I baked him a cake that he then posted on his Instagram which just horrified me because I knew how many followers he had on there and they didn't have to see my failure.

"Ils t'aiment, C, calme-toi" they love you, C, calm down, he said while laughing at me. I didn't know what he was talking about because how would they even know me? I wasn't on the internet and I didn't use social media that much yet.

"lui avez-vous montré ce qu'ils ont dit?" did you show her what they said, Lorenzo said and I looked between them both as Jules excitedly looked for something on his phone. He handed me an article from some gossip site.