Rêveries

Chapter 88.

At first all I felt was a pinch.

Everything was kind of moving in slow motion, so there was that pinch, then came the wave of overwhelming pain. My mouth opened to let out a scream, but not a single noise came out. All I could hear was my own heartbeat, as if I was in a bubble and all the other noise was outside that bubble. Then the lights went out and it went dark. I realized I wasn't breathing, I had lost my breath and I couldn't seem to take a breath. Someone was moving me, and somehow the pain got even worse.

Then... air in my lungs, and the scream was let out.

I tried to think back to what went wrong. What had caused me to end up here? I didn't understand it. Really couldn't think of how this could've happened. Frankly, I barely understood what had happened. I was just there, crying out in pain, knowing something was horribly, horribly wrong. It was to the point where I knew as soon as I felt that pinch, that I wanted my mom. I wanted my mom to be there. It was like forgetting I'm turning twenty-two and should be able to hold my own.

I wanted Mom, Dad, Charles. I wanted Jules.

God, I wanted Jules. What had gone wrong?

Charles went back to Europe to race in Spain and at home in Monaco. It was the first time I ever missed a home race, and I could tell Charles was disappointed, but he understood. Alex and I were busy preparing for the Best of the Best dancesport competition. Once again, we needed to be better than all the other times before, and to do that we needed to put a lot of time and effort into it. I wasn't happy about missing Monaco though, and I could tell that even friends and family were upset because I missed it. But, like Charles, they understood as well.

I wanted this number to mean something. I wanted it to have a deeper meaning and have a personal connection to me and everything I've been through. I wanted it to represent Jules.

In my life, since Jules passed, I wanted to honor him in most things I did and this is not any different. He was always watching over me, whether I realized it or not. He was always guiding me to make the right choices and those were always going to be something he'd be proud of no matter what. He was always my number one supporter, even now from beyond the grave. And this doesn't just go for me, it also goes for Charles and Arthur. If he was here to see what they have done in both life and their careers, there is no doubt in my mind that he'd be proud of them.

And for this dance, I wanted to showcase that. I wanted to represent the feeling of having doubts in myself, but always knowing that he was there to pick me up when I fall. Knowing he's there to support us all in everything we do, even if we can't physically see him. We can feel his presence.

I chose the song carefully, and then Alex helped me with the choreography to make sure it really captured the way I wanted it to be. We had some tricks that were a bit difficult to get just right, and we put so much time into all of them to make sure we knew them like the back of our hands. God, I think I spent more time practicing than I ever had for anything else. There was one part in particular that we practiced over and over because if we didn't, things could end badly. We need this to be perfect.

I'd hauled up on his shoulders, standing on his shoulders for a moment before jumping over his head to let him catch me bridal style. A lot of build up was done before actually practicing the trick. He'd throw me around, carrying me, pulling me, throwing me up in the air to catch me again. It was a lot, and it had to be perfect.

The morning of the competition, Evie wasn't home. She had been out of town for another competition and wouldn't be home until that afternoon. She'd miss the performance, but promised she'd try to get there in time for the results to be called. Charles was in Canada for the race that afternoon, but Arthur had come to watch me perform. He was the only one that was able to make it, but that didn't bother me. I'm just glad that he could be there.