Rêveries

Chapter 9.

At the dinner table, my parents set some clear rules with me. They also gave me a choice to make. All my life, the media I had been exposed to had been minimal. I wasn't really around cameras before Jules brought me around the paddock. I literally got pulled out of school to minimize the media exposure and in Sweden we never had the problem of paparazzi. They wanted me to be able to live freely, not worrying about my face being on some stupid gossip site.

I turn 18 in October and therefore they told me that the choice is now mine. Charles and Arthur are constantly exposed to cameras and the media, it's part of their job. Being around them when we're out means exposing myself to the media and if I want to do that there are things I can and cannot do and say. People will somehow find ways to get words out of me and I always need to be careful about what I say.

If I'm staying here then they're making me do media training. Charles has a media coach who they're going to ask to work with me too. They're also making me see a therapist once a week, they will find someone who can come to the house to minimize people seeing me go in and out of their office.

As if needing therapy after losing a sibling is some crazy shameless thing...

Pascale told me she doesn't want me to go with the boys to the races at first, but I think dad is the one who asked her to tell me that. She said that she doesn't think making such a big change in my life drastically along with traveling with them to all the races is going to do me any good. She's going to help me settle down and get some flow going, getting used to things.

Of course they made up rules of having to come visit them and not being away when they come down to visit me and all of that. Dad also told me to not show myself the way I did today to the cameras, media training or not. I silently nodded. Then to lift the tension again, Pascale showed me the room she thought would suit me the best.

It was on the other side of the house from Charles and Arthur's rooms. Charles was only home for a few weeks a year, Arthur a bit more but still gone for most of the time, so it didn't really matter if I were close to them, but Pascale said I should have my own space in the house where I can get rid of all the boy germs.

The room had been Hervé's office. We never went to the loft as kids because we were told not to disturb him. From the kitchen you could walk up the stairs and there was a hallway where the three boys had their bedrooms, they shared a bathroom. Then there was a guest room with a bathroom connected to it.

The kitchen worked like the main room in the house, you walked into the house and it was the first room you'd walk into. From there you could walk out to the backyard, the conservatory, the dining room where we had dinner at Christmas, you could walk up the stairs, or you could walk to the living room. The living room was huge. Bookshelves filled with books, big couches and armchairs. The roof was very high and there was a big fireplace on one wall and the TV hung on the wall across from it. We never really went further than that.

But she led us through the living room, through the double doors to the room behind the living room. It was smaller and was mostly used as a hobby space, probably because they didn't know what else to do with the space. There was a piano, books, canvases and such. Then there were grand stairs to the loft. It looked too firm and proper to be a loft but since you could look down into a room below, it was considered a loft I suppose. Next to the stairs was another double door, leading into the master bedroom.

When we came up the stairs, there was a smaller TV-room. There was a big U-shaped couch filled with blankets and pillows. In front of it was a TV. Below it was a shelf filled with endless DVDs.

But she opened up the double doors and showed me inside. The room had been changed into a bedroom, even though it was lifeless, white and gray, but it was large and it could be so pretty with some personal touches.