Rêveries

Chapter 91.

My parents didn't manage to get me to Sweden, but Mom stayed with Pascale to be close to me. But I got to go home. Charles took me home to our apartment and he got me settled there, for a day before he had to fly to England for the Silverstone race. After that, our moms took me back to Pascale's house anyway, creating a much bigger hassle than there already was. But that way they didn't have to come to our apartment everyday, but I also had constant supervision which felt like hell. I couldn't even sleep in my own room considering the stairs, so I had to switch with Pascale.

It was all about getting used to moving. I tried to find ways that could help me when I had been sitting down and had to stand up. I had my wheelchair, but I tried to stick with the crutches, but sometimes my hand would hurt if I had been walking around with the crutches for a longer time. The week in Los Angeles had felt okay because I had people to talk to and they'd find things to keep me occupied. We'd talk, watch a movie, play a game or whatever we felt like that I could do. But the first week home nearly drove me crazy.

"Veux-tu quelque chose à manger?" Do you want something to eat?

"Veux-tu regarder un film?" Do you want to watch a movie?

"Viens voir, il y a des photos de quand on était jeune," Come look, there's pictures from when we were young.

Both mom and Pascale wanted to be around me all the time. They were worried I felt lonely, so they did their thing with me around, but they couldn't think of anything to do that would actually keep me entertained, and when I kept myself entertained, they'd disturb me until I was too annoyed to keep doing whatever I was doing.

I couldn't cook, I couldn't dance, I couldn't work out, I couldn't clean, do laundry, go for walks, hikes, runs, I couldn't go to races with Charles. I was stuck there. I was stuck. Sitting on my fucking ass doing nothing all day every day. Max, Pierre, Charles and Arthur were all away racing in England. Evie was still in Los Angeles working with a new choreographer. They were all doing exactly what they wanted to do, they were all doing what they dreamed of doing with their lives. I was sitting.

I tried to keep up with what the guys were doing in England, but it was difficult because they were busy and not everything was broadcasted. I watched some videos of Evie with her new choreographer and I remembered I'd never do what she's doing, so I had to turn it off to not start crying again. I felt so bad turning it off, but it hurt so much. I should've been happy for her, but I was really struggling, when she had what I wanted the most.

Charles would call to check in every night and we'd talk a little. Since he was away I didn't want to worry him so I always told him I was fine and everything was going great, but if there was a lock on the bedroom door I would lock it and throw away the key. I love my mom, I love Charles' mom, but I couldn't stand them as they were always around me, always asking me questions, always trying to talk to me as if I was their best friend trying to gossip with them.

On Sunday, the race day for Charles, I didn't feel like getting out of bed. Everything in me told me to stay in bed and do nothing. I was planning on watching the race on my phone in bed, but considering I couldn't lock the door, that wasn't going to happen. Around noon Pascale came inside the room, opening up the curtains to let sun into the room.

"Tu es encore au lit?" You're still in bed? she asked, and I didn't answer, because as she could see... Yes, I was still in bed. "C'est l'heure de se lever," It's time to get up, she told me as she walked over to the bed and pulled the duvet off my body. It was the start of July and the duvet was getting too hot anyway, so I didn't care.

Pascale looked defeated at me, walking over to the clothes I had brought over to the house until Charles came back. She walked over and dug through the mess for a while, folding some clothes in the meantime. She came back with my yellow sundress with light purple flowers on it and an open back. Last time I remember wearing it was when I first started dating Charles, but she held it up in front of me and then put it on the bed before she put her hands on her hips and continued staring right at me.