Rêveries

Chapter 43.

The sun, just like in the house in Alassio, shines right in on me in the morning. I get too hot and I wake up, carefully freeing myself from Charles' arms and rolling out of bed. I turn to look at him sleeping peacefully, his lips slightly parted and his brown hair messy. It's getting time for him to shave soon as his facial hair has started to show more than just what's on his upper lip. He looks so cute while sleeping, so I decided not to wake him.

But the room was way too hot to even try to fall back asleep in. I open up the balcony door and feel a cold breeze from the water and I can hear it gently splashing against the stone walls around. I take the moment to breathe in deeply to get some fresh air. It felt like I had been breathing in a damn sauna all night.

I take my book from my suitcase and I lay down on the bed again to read until Charles wakes up. I lay down on my stomach and keep the book in front of me. Now, when reading Elio's feelings and thoughts, I feel more understanding towards it. Yes, their story is completely different, but the way he describes his feelings doesn't seem as crazy anymore. It's not too foreign and even though the way it's described is quite extreme, I still start to understand it.

I've liked boys before, I've had some flings and some have been longer than others. I just never got an actual boyfriend. I've just been crushing, never having to deal with these types of feelings, never something this strong that has affected me like this. It's been exciting and happy, but it's also been scary and most of all embarrassing. Somehow, I've felt so much embarrassment through it all. The way I've acted, the way my body has reacted and what I've felt, even when he hasn't been aware of it. I hated all the times I stiffened at his touch, the times my heart skipped beats and all the times I let him affect my mood. The thing with Elio I find myself the most at home with, is the way he just likes me tries his hardest to act unbothered, but he feels like he could die on the inside. He's feeling so much but will only shrug when Oliver talks to him.

"Êtes-vous toujours en train de le lire ou l'avez-vous commencé une quatrième fois?" Are you still reading it or have you started it a fourth time? Charles' tired morning voice sounds from the other side of the book between our faces. He grabs it and pulls it out of my hand, putting it down between us. I was in the middle of the page so I frown and try to pick it up again but he moves my hand away from it and places the book behind him. I sigh as I roll over on my side, still facing him.

"Je suis au milieu d'une page," I'm in the middle of a page, I whine and he just chuckles and lifts his head from the pillow. He puts a hand behind neck and holds my head in place as he puts his lips down on mine.

"Vous l'avez lu trois fois, vous ne vous perdrez pas," You've read it three times, you won't get lost, he shakes his head right in front of my face before putting his lips on mine again. I melt by the sound of his morning speaking so softly to me and I have to kiss him back. I turn over to my back and make sure he follows. I feel like I will combust any second if I don't kiss him, so when he lifts his head up I quickly follow by lifting my head to catch his lips again. I hear him chuckle lightly before following me down to kiss me with my head on the pillow below me again.

He puts a hand on my cheek, holding my face, and I wrap my arms around his neck and I have to stop myself from pulling him down completely because I'd squeeze his neck and it would hurt him and make it very difficult for him to breathe. But I just wanted him to be even closer, I wanted to squeeze him to me. Close just isn't close enough.

Our lips started moving together and the pace picked up slightly before I felt his tongue on my bottom lip like I had two days before. I didn't flinch this time, but immediately met his, having to take a deep breath in through my nose to make sure I had enough oxygen in my lungs so I wouldn't pass out. He had that ability to make me quite breathless.