Loving Ashlynn (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 11 - Two Steps Back (Faith POV) Pt. 1

A/N: NOT THOROUGHLY EDITED.

Chapter 11 – Two Steps Back (Faith POV)Pt. 1

After therapy, I hung back in my room, having a repeat of the night before, Kalenah bringing my food, checking my injuries before I toed my meal to the toilet to flush it away. I had sat stiffly in the car, wondering over if I had made the right decision about telling Sonya about not always living with Dmitri. Or the how I dreamt that.

On the one hand, it felt nice to have to say that to someone, but on the other, I was afraid now.

I couldn't quell the unease in my belly.

Further more, however, what really had me wondering, was that if I hadn't been with Dmitri all along, if what I was having now as nightmares, if they were memories... why had I never remembered them before? How could I just forget all the things I saw in that nightmare? The abstract woman breathing outside, the little boy named Andy? It only got stranger in my mind after that, though, the nightmare was mixed in with things I thought I could clearly remember – my third birthday with Dmitri, the cake we made for the two of us.

My nightmares were conflicting and contradicting what I truly believed were my own memories, which led to only more turmoil, were my memories my own?

Not wanting to even tackle that, I swallowed my meds and went down the stairs for the night, knowing that everyone would be in bed already, but as I made my way to the kitchen, I saw the backs of Harleigh and Thaddeus entering her room. Hanging behind in the shadows until they were fully in her room, the door closed I went down, microwaved some water, making one cup of tea and using the rest in my powdered soup.

At first, I put the two porcelain items on the counter, until my session came back to me, my book of things I wanted to try, to do and my eyes swept up, towards the doors that led to a small table and three chairs just outside their kitchen. Carrying each cup, then finally my phone, I sat gingerly, pulling my good foot up and laying the other on one of the empty chairs.

Still chilly, mid-September – I sat when my hand around my powdered soup, swallowing thickly, so hungry and wanting to ease and give my aches a break. I had written this moment in my journal of things I wanted to experience. Reaching for my tea, I sighed. I didn't think Sonya would understand, or anyone else, they had been experiencing this all their life. I, on the other hand, had written in my journal one day that I wanted to have tea outside on our safe house balcony. It was strange that we had one, but never used it – for reasons I now know where so far into the untrue that I carried a bit of shame.

I wanted to experience, the wind blowing, soft or hard, the chill while the warmth of my tea heated my insides. I wanted to watch the sunset, rise or night skies without a glass barrier. I wanted to see the stars, enjoy the silence that sometimes comes with the night. And so I sat, resting back, enjoying this small moment.

Thick woods, pine trees shooting up towards the sky surrounded the Conrads' house, but there was a bit of backyard space, nicely taken care of. Looking out, from the porch area I currently sat on, to the bottom of the trees, I slowly let my eyes wander up, a smile breaking out when my vision traces the nearly pointy tops.